Today’s thankfulThursday prompt was to be thankful for health. My first reaction was to laugh it off. Thankful for health ? Was it a joke for an obese person like me , who also does almost negligible workout and can binge eat at any stress trigger.
But wait , isnt the real purpose of this prompt is to ignore the negatives and for a moment thank God/life/yourself for whatever blessing you have ? Phew ! So let’s see,
- I walk , talk , eat ,breathe , smile and sleep well.
- I have no fatal disease right now.
- I have some hormonal imbalances related to my weight but those can be fixed with diet and exercise.
- I am quite flexible with yoga poses and I enjoy them thrice a week.
- I have a good stamina to walk long distances, even if slow.
- I have good skin and hair so far. And with my current focus on natural products , I feel they are feeling a lot better.
And as Becca asks us to check what needa our focus ? Slow change or no easy result can lead to obsession on problems alone , but it should not be my excuse for not trying for a solution. I have not given up on myself yet , coz if not I , who will push me to be a better , healthier version of myself ?
Togetherness is not always about staying together or being able to meet as and when you wish. If love is true, these things do not matter ; people said. But some days you can not decide if it is just a phase or that’s how your relation is going to be. A relationship is like a house which has to be turned into home just like two people can make any place on housing.com into a heaven by love and care.
It was only 6 months that me and Yogesh formally started dating each other and yet we were not sure. I do not know what questions I had or what ideas he had about me, about us, all I remember now is that we needed a long long time to sit and talk about a lot of things. But not just talk, we needed the right environment too. Then one day we decided to take a break and on impulse we booked tickets to lucknow. We both were not willing to spend a night together so it was decided that we would go early morning and return same night to Delhi.
It was a crazy plan for the moment he suggested it and I booked the tickets. On the day we had to travel , I was so looking forward to the trip. The morning journey was in a Chair Car seat where we were served breakfast and chai. Settled comfortably, we talked of our time together so far and what we thought was good and missing between us.
When we reached, we first asked the auto driver to drop at the best place nearby for a huge lunch. Happy with the well fed tummy, we considered whst next to do and after not too much deliberations, we went for the latest Bond movie. A coffee and lot of street food hopping later, we decided to go shopping for something in chicken work as memory of the trip. While we were at the shop, there was a very pretty saree that i wished to buy but it was little expensive. Yogesh noticed my interest and the hesitation and whispered that one day he will bring me back to lucknow to buy the same saree.
It was probably the kind of gesture i was waiting for. Or maybe it was all that we talked and laughed about in the day that cemented my faith in this relation. After dinner when we settled in the train back to home, we had started creating a dream in our hearts to one day be home to each other.
We did not do anything different from what we would have done in delhi but just the change of place and being together meant so much for us that day. It was a new light to our paths that had intersected and were now joined for a life time.
I told my parents about him soon after that.
That trip still is my most precious memory together. And writing this post , I realized that this year I might buy that saree too. From lucknow of course 🙂
I was there,
that dark harrowing place
of self doubt and neglect
of negativity and hurt
of being stubborn beyond reason
of acting beyond comprehension;
I was there,
feeling trapped and alone
from bars of my own creation
from feelings that defied traditions
from ideas devoid of action
from words that shamed all reactions.
I was there
supposedly for a long time
ignoring of my lover’s songs
ignoring the best friend’s hopes
ignoring the stranger’s smiles
ignoring my own heart’s cries.
I was there.
no more, not again
that is not a promise I can make
that is not the road I always take
that is a battle I fight each day
that is a war I will win one day.
About 6 months back I made this page private after I started getting anonymous abusive comments and emails from some one. I am not sure if that phase is past me or not , But I know that I have friends and a partner who would stand by me and not let me quit blogging and writing any day. Thank you every one who wrote to me and prayed for me.
I am 5 months late , but I still want to share my wedding pic with you all. Here’s me and Yogesh on our happiest day !
I will be reading and visiting your blogs soon. Stay blessed.
Some thing very hurtful was said to me yesterday. And it reminded me how tribal people used to make a tree fall by gathering around it and swearing at it daily. The tree would eventually die and fall on its own.
i realize that the negatives thrown at me are meant to kill my spirit and make me fall
but if i can counter them with the love of people who know me and by loving all the same way or more , i can rise above all this.
So Here’s a hope , a prayer , a wish and a request – Live and let live. Life is beautiful when you let go of your hurt . Hurting some one will not bring back your joy. I might fade into oblivion but I know i have touched many hearts while I was here. and I will keep loving all the same way.
I skipped writing yesterday , So please bear with two poems in this post [ both off the prompt perhaps ]
of the silent lips
he fills my soul
on my skin,
trails of sin,
his eyes shine
oh love,I lust for
the way you smile…
Today’s prompt is silence. I have rarely liked being silent or silent people. there was a time when after a while , silence would make me uncomfortable. It changed when I had to move to a new city and was alone most weekends. Here is a thought on those days –
Lonliness – a mistress I keep
for company in nights
when all world sleeps
but not my thoughts;
silence – the child i never sought
until one night the knocks
on my heart’s door
took away my sleep;
there was much to learn
and so much more to know
about my love , my fears,
my denial and the pain,
my acceptance , be it late.
There was much to let go of,
the world was no more known
silence and loneliness took over
and I was never the same again.
This is for OctPoWriMo # 13 , 14