Finding home.

This is a different world. This is a different life. I like it but I can’t get used to it. Meaning of home has changed. And how.

This is a facebook status I put this weekend. This weekend was the same that I spent with my parents. After almost 2 – 3 months I spent more than 1 night at home. And even though I loved being there – being lazy , being silent , cooking for mom and dad , meeting best friend in town , sleeping , reading and watching one movie each day of the weekend [ yes , it was this awesomely perfect] ; a part of me felt uneasy.

It was like I was a guest in that home. I knew the people living there , but not the space they occupied. It was like I once was in the frame but now have slipped out of it and looking at the empty picture with unease.

When did I begin to feel restless at my own home ? Was it always this way but I kept ignoring it while busying myself with siblings. I guess being alone with parents made me feel their loneliness but instead of sharing it , it made me feel like them. Still, they had their home . I did not.

A dear and very much special friend commented on the status :

Home has always been where your heart is. In other news, welcome to grown up world dear. You are ready to make your own home.

And that set me thinking a bit more. To some extent , I felt at home in the house I live in right now with my bestie.  From long there was parent’s home and “my” home. But now I don’t feel I have any home. Yes , for once I feel lost. If that’s a beginning of growing up , I guess the journey has begun.

I need a corner of my own , surrounded by my books and music , my choice of wallpapers and feel of the cold floor beneath my feet. I am finally ready to support and provide to others, the anchor I need. I am prepared to step out and claim my mark on some space.

I have to go.
Go and create or search my home.
Just my space of love.

PS : growing up can be so lonely and confusing. even when you got someone to hold and look upto for love.

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Poetry lovers , please check my e book on amazon here. Let me know if you need help with kindle installation or download of the book.

Dealing with people and other thoughts.

Last week was a bit disappointing in terms of people. there were too many instances when I was hurt or upset with friends.

I thought I would write about them , I would vent my frustration/anger about how people behave nowadays but now I am not so sure.

Writing about them is not going to help them or make me feel good about it. but what I am really concerned about is people forgetting how to be nice to others, how to trust others.

Some one questioned me for charging her 30 rps extra for some tickets. I would not have minded that as much the fact she actually paid me whatever she thought was the correct price. what will I benefit from that ??

Another friend keeps asking me to make plans to meet but every time I call her , she has a reason not to come. Moreover she will not answer calls / msgs some days but I can see her active on social sites. I am tired of  making plans for others and waiting for them

A very old friend of mine thinks I am living life all wrong ’cause I do not have any exciting stories to tell him. I do not write all that comes to my mind , I do not go places , I do not tire myself with catching up with N number of people or attend every single event in the city [ Actually I do try for most of the book events ]. why can not people accept change in others ? Do I have to justify my living to all now ?

I do not understand such people. I do not understand many people off-late  I can not react offensively , I can not forget such incidents either. I do not feel like validating myself to others or to tell others if they are right or not. I only wish and feel to pray. Yes, I did not think I would say this, but I really Pray for all these people. I pray first for myself so I can keep my patience. I pray for these people to have peace in their life. I pray for random people who are so critical or negative always for the world.

I pray for Love.
I pray to be with my lover.
[ some friends think that being in a happy relationship has made me so much wise and forgiving. And I agree to this observation.]
I offer my love to god as random wishes whispered in the dark folds of night , as a lonely tear that rolls down my cheeks sometimes as I let go of another demon of my past , as the warm hug to my guy in appreciation of all smiles he has added to my life.
I thank you, Love you , adore you my God !
you are my savior. And I will forever pray for your blessings.

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Karma

IMG-20120927-WA000Few months back , I asked myself the question , why I am good [ Assuming I am a good human being]. This was following a discussion with a friend about people being good till they have no opportunity to be otherwise. A true check of one’s character is how he/she behaves when presented the opportunity to be mean and also get away with it.

And after much thought, I realized that my reasons for being the way I am is belief in my Karma.

Karma for me is the principle that governs my actions and my life.

Said In simpler terms , Karma is the cause and effect way of living. It states that the effects ( rewards / punishments ) of every action of yours would be decided and passed on to you in this very lifetime. No deed of yours goes unreported and is tracked till the right moment. There be delay in the judgement , but be assured , it will happen. And to add more to the effect , the punishments are handed down in cumulative manner for all the sins in past.

And this , scares me. One can say I am good from the fear of punishment. I used to feel embarrassed about it before. But not today. I am good and whatever keeps me this way – karma , God’s words , my moral codes , my mother’s teachings .. anything that keep the happy glow in my life’s light , I am thankful for it. There is nothing wrong to admit that you fear god’s wrath. I do. And like a kid scared of the strict teacher , I am willing to be cautious forever as to not make mistake.

May my Karma keep me blessed.

Hope you all find the light for your life and keep it shining 🙂

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& Alphabe Thursday – K 

i want a baby

A simple desire ? not so.
For one , I am not married.
Also , I do not want to sleep with some one just to have a baby.

And please do not suggest me how science can help me having a baby and blah blah.

So bottom line is , I am not sure when I would be eligible to have a baby ( as per me and society). And yet , Whenever I see a kid looking at me , and smiles at me , my heart wants to just grab him/her and keep him for a day or two with me. The cute dresses in the mall in kids section , the innocent talks , the eager look in eyes , the love , the trust , the fun , the bond .. I wish that for myself.

additional reasons being able to buy teddies , color books , story books , illustrated graphics , milk powder , cryons , funky clips and so many more such stuff for the baby ( and use some for myself too ).

I am not desperate to get married to any xyz. I think I found an ABC sort of guy for me and hope things go well.

But I am too eager to have a baby.
God, why do we need some one to make a baby ?

Can I just not get a part of me molded into an extension of me ??

Perhaps I could adopt one, if only I could afford having a baby right now.
Ok, I guess I should remember this reason and better concentrate on making enough money than dreams for my kid 😀

Encourage & Inspire

We often talk about encouraging kids to try new things , not to worry about failing, and to move on with lessons learned. But have we ever thought that adults need more encouragement.

Kids do not have a sense of boundary. They do not bother of failure unless some one ( other kids / adults ) make them realize that. If you tell a kid the good he has done by trying , he will be content. He will try again and work harder on his mistakes on little encouragement. But not the same with most adults.

How many of us can accept failure and try again and again without support ? It is flattering  to think or declare yourself as independent and strong , but behind every one of us stands a person who has never stopped believing in us . Treating us like the kid who needs to be shown the good of trying and failing and to keep saying “I believe in you”. Have we not been once in a while inspired by random strangers or news articles or example of some one making it large in life just by passion and diligence ? Inspired people are inspiring. Inspiring ones are encouraging ones too.

Learning a new hobby , starting a new career, Trying a new haircut or even new style of dressing can sometime be so easy if you have a word of encouragement and compliment thrown your way.

This blog would not have so many posts if the comments would not have been encouraging. The poetry e book would not have been possible if some of the friends and my mother would not have let me leave few daily tasks and just write as and when I wanted , reading and suggesting new voices for my ideas. I would not have learned to cook anything good without my roomie and mom trying what I made and encouraging to keep trying till I master, adding their own ideas into the mix.

ENCOURAGEMENT & INSPIRATION is always needed by everyone.

Thank those wonderful people in your life who encourage you. And if you do not find that person around you , none to fit the bill, do not be bitter. you can and should be that person for some one else’s life. Encourage and maybe you will find encouragement for yourself in abundance. Inspire & Inspiration will grace your day.

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& Alphabe Thursday – I 

Lets create happiness

We all have searched happiness outside our self , our home , our work – basically OUTSIDE.

while happiness is an energy source that is inside you , trapped within the layers of your heart. Its like the butter kept in the freezer – all it needs is a warm ray of  hope and smile to flow free into your life.

you have to decide what makes you happy and its essential you become the creator of that happiness , rather than depending on others.

This reminds me of a conversation with a friend. I love cooking, but I can not enjoy the food alone. Only when I have a company to eat(and praise) the food , I can be really happy. My friend pointed out to me that I can not be happy this way whenever I want. I need people and I need them to like my food too, both of which are not in my control. He said ,

“If something makes you happy , no matter if you are alone or in a crowd , if it can change your frown into smile as per your bidding and time , THAT is the reason or source you should hold on to”

I have always followed this since that conversation, 3 years back.

Happiness is to create smiles and hopes around you. Sometimes its by treating yourself to special attention and sometimes treating others the way you will like to be treated.

I find my happiness in books , music and mostly in writing.

To write and read others’ ideas on similar prompt or feelings is what makes me feel at peace.

To that spirit of happiness and sharing , Happy new year to you all.

Keep writing & stay happy.

This reminds me of a commercial ad :

 

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  Also linked to Alphabe Thursday