[ Background : I was upset that a friend of mine said things to me that hurt me. I had hurt her too meanwhile but what made me angry was the fact , I never can tell that to others as easily my friends express it to me ]
So I called this common friend and took out all my frustration and anger on the call. I did not feel good about it , neither could I resolve my anger over night. I just emailed him expressing I was sorry for what I said and I just need time to sort things.”Take life easy” , a friend wrote in the reply he sent in the morning.
And I realize that some days I take being available for friends too seriously. Most days I love to talk to my friends , to plan to meet them and to randomly ping to ask about life under their sky. But some days , even if I am genuinely busy and in no mood to hear another soul , If i realize I haven’t called a particular some one , I will use the time to not rest but to call. And in that process , I think , I do not give all my attention and care to the person on the other end of the call. This feedback has reached me some time but never before could I accept that I might be really doing something wrong.
As my boyfriend and best friend both pointed to me that I can take time off whenever I want but when I do connect to people , I should do it with intentions to make them feel good and hear them well. It does not matter if I do not have a solution to their troubles but more important is to listen carefully.
So, from this very moment , I will try to listen more , listen well and listen with all my attention.
And if I am not calling some one , I will make sure I have a good reason and a sense enough to not be too late to get back !
Life has suddenly changed this week.
Since Monday 11 AM to be exact.
I suddenly realized i have a lot to learn and make it a habit of doing when it comes to being a daughter-in-law , a wife , a home maker in the future. Till now , I did not completely understand how much thought and care this transition would involve. I used to think to myself, one can not predict the situations until you step into that new life but I guess it is necessary to make a note of the areas you need to work upon. In India , Marriage they say , is a union of not two people but two families. And I willingly agree to the statement now. In my husband’s home , every action of mine is not just a representation of me but my family’s culture and values. I never wished to stay in a nuclear set up after wedding. I used to dream of having the guy’s family to live with me and be a part of that family. Simply said , I love to have people around – to celebrate every small happiness , to care for each other , to support in times of distress and to spread smiles to each other. But like all fingers are not same in a hand , every one has their good and bad. Before you expect them to accept you the way you are , is it not wise to make it easier for them to accept you in their folds and seamlessly become a part of their daily life.
Keeping these thoughts in mind , I am trying to cook more and cook better . The first goal is not to call mom or refer to recipe for a usual meal. I am cleaning my room alternate days , folding clothes and keeping them stacked well in the almirah , making sure I keep my things at a proper place. In short , I feel I am trying to act like my mother 😉 And it is not easy. I call up mom and ask how does she remember to do all this , how does she keep the whole house so organized while I get tired after managing my single room.
Exhausted or not , I am sure feeling more proud. More confident and sure about myself being able to handle any new role and responsibilities well.
Life has changed , but for better days.
This is for Imperfect Prose and for Emily whose posts make me pause and think about the blessings in my life.
while the whole world vouches for Monday blues , For reasons unknown , I like Mondays. Starting Wednesday night , I start waiting and planning for the weekend but Every Monday night , when whole world on the social media is complaining for end of weekend , I do not understand or relate to the sentiment even remotely.
Mondays are like a new beginning . 5 more days to work hard and make your dream come true. The weekends are to rest and plan ahead but Mondays are the days when you begin a new chapter. And I believe that all beginnings should have a happy note. So I thank god for another wonderful weekend , and ask for strength and blessings for the coming week.
And this is something i found in google images. Totally cool thought !
And then there are Mondays I LOVE. The ones when I go to see lover by for breakfast ( in case we do not meet over weekend ) , those are the super awesome Mondays !
Excuses are as varied as the cause or reason for which we invent them. But the worst ones are those , the heart invents for the mind. Not that mind is always right . but sometimes we know we are lying to our-self. Last 3 days I have “excused” myself from some important things and I am not proud to that –
I did not go to gym / or even for an evening walk which I so much love.
I did not write anything for 3 days, creating a backlog for blogging and same for reading blogs too. Not to add , that delaying my own therapy in times of over thinking.
I was irritated with something and I acted rude with my brother.
I did not pray or thank god for all the smiles he adds to my life every day.
I can list out the excuses / genuine reasons here for all these but the fact that I know I wasn’t right , doesn’t let me dwell on that. Instead I have to now fix all these. And find a way out before I make a pattern to excuse myself out of my duties and responsibilities.
Here’s to a happier and better week ahead. To heal , to read , to write , to smile , to love and be worthy of being loved.
And like Emily begins her posts some days, when I began typing , I had the line in my head – where I accept sometimes it is tough to feel loved. Some days I question all that I have in my hands , the love I feel surrounded by , the hopes , the dreams and I can see the piles of my smiles falling down brick by brick. Then I get back to my prayers and instantly , I see a ray of blessing shining on me. Lover boy calls me and in his own special ways makes me smile and make me sure of the dreams we made together for our life.
Thank you God for listening so soon to me.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with mother. I told her , even 15 min of time spent in prayers feel so hard while we spend hours doing nothing or gossiping or any random activity. She told that this realization is the beginning of making conscious effort to pray and be thankful to God. There was a time when I thought admitting that I pray or more so , admitting I can not pray daily and with full conviction in my God , was not a good thing.
Recently after reading doubts and realizations and confessions and love filled posts from some wonderful people I meet here on Imperfect Prose , I learned that being honest matters. Being thankful matters. Being loving and accepting the love is more important that regretting the moments you did otherwise.
thank you all for teaching me so much.
for loving me so much.
for just being the awesome YOU.
Some days you have to count your small joys ( specially when the bigger picture does not look so happy ) So , for this week, I sat and listed the below things that make me smile and keep my mind off the not so happy thoughts :
Gym . Finally I joined one and pray I do not skip many days.
Best Friend. For daily listening to *same* complaints of mine. not to mention she has similar ones from her workplace
Teammates . No matter how stressful the work gets or idiotic the people go , most of the people at offshore are a pleasure to work with and I am thankful for that.
Internet. After the last week of no net at home scenario , finally internet issues are fixed. The online watching of some of my favorite show has begun.
Mom. Bless her to bear my rants every day.
Him. He is my strength to survive many of the days off-late.
Books. < need I say more ? >
Writing this post. I needed the smiles right now again.
Reading your posts and comments. I will be doing more of it soon.
Spreading Love. Start with yourself , with your loved ones , and include a stranger too some days.
Prayers. I am trying to pray often. Thank God for that. and thank Mom.