Friends and strangers

There was a time, i felt it special to be accesible on text, almost 18 hours a day. Like the world would forget me, the moment I step out of the conversatioa around. Sadly , all those conversations that involved people behind screens, would make me miss what my blessed eyes could experience; what the silence in my head could make me hear in the nature; what restlessness did I imbibe from all the chatter online with strangers. Some strangers became friends, some lovers and one of them I married. But only few of them did not turn back into strangers, as they should have instead of waiting for me to react , to reach , and to seek them back to fill the vaccum their silence created.

They knew my story, my flaws, my insecurity. They , my friends loved me much but also held the power to keep me grounded when needed. Like a vain bird I wanted to fly, escape my shadow and outrun the skies, riding on false praises and meaningless hopes. One day, when all hell broke, the real people stood by my side; silently making a shield that had seen us cross years like a tide. The words were not needed, silent tears and hugs did wonders, so did the trust they showed in me. I was home. I was no longer restlessly tapping my phone. I had a life , a space in this world of touch and senses and people so close.

Be aware of words
That never reached far enough,
Show light to lost friends

#AtoZchallenge #NaPoWriMo Dare

Let go of people,
The dearest of friends first
Set your mind free
Of life’s race if you must.
Make your own milestones
Of success
Of achievements
And your happiness.
Find new goals to obsess,
A new path to explore,
Spare the drama from life,
You just need a new quest.
I dare you , said my past
To my present self.
I dare you to change,
better then the day that went.

#AtoZchallenge Take Care

We say “take care” at the end of most calls and almost every whatsapp chat multiple times a day. Offlate I realized I never said this to myself , my lazy and irresponsible part who really needs reminders every passing hour ! So I made a list of things I need to take care of immediately.

My face and skin : summers make it too dry or oily depending on your skin type. Invest in some regular beauty time sach night to fix it soon.

My health : neither good diet or excercise work best alone but something is better than nothing. I am trying to substitute regular junk food with healthy options and also to walk more every week.

My emotions : Really really need to keep them in check these days when things are not working as planned. Need to focus on positive thoughts and moments.

My mind : read , write and read better.

Also to talk about all of this more. The bottled thoughts and emotions are no good to anyone. So share , care and encourage everyone around. But be kind too.

This is a long list or maybe short as compared to actual action items i added to my daily reminders. But one has to begin somewhere. Please add your suggestions or ideas in the comments.

#AtoZchallenge #NaPoWriMo Baby

The arms seek
And so does the heart,
To hold a tiny people
And a new journey starts.

The mind is taken over
Beyond logic and science
She desires nothing so bad
As to witness magic of new life.

With passing time
And others’s disapproving gaze
She feels herself empty
And unworthy of any priase.

The womb has its own mind
Little do others want to accept
In pursuits of having a baby
She ruins her life,once perfect.

The love and desire
Turned into mindless obsession
Saner thoughts were discarded
Bordering on the depression.

Till one day she looked at him
The guy who loved her still
His devotion won over the world
Finally there was peace within.

Being together was their strength
And she could not lose it again
She will have her motherhood
But not by giving him pain.

Its a beautiful bond they built
of understanding and support,
This togetherness alone can fill
The disjointed pieces they hold.

I blossom

Remember how I fought with you when I felt some people would steal you from me ? You called me possessive. You called me mad. You thought I finally crossed a line. I knew no way to tell you how scary that time was. Insecurity fed my fears and no matter how much you or me tried, we ended cutting each other – you with your words and me with  my rudeness.

Did I care if your friends found my behave demeaning ? I probably did not. But when I found you apologizing on my behalf or making excuses, it hurt me more. You were content with the momentary high those people gave you. You needed that shot of love and confidence. But it was me who knew the  journey back from there will be dark and lonely. What if I wasn’t around to hold your hand and guide you to yourself ? But we are past all that and much more. Today i know, no matter who comes and goes, we both are going to be together in all that flows. For friendship. For love. For silence and words.

Like soil you hold,
Air water, some sunshine too
I blossom in you.

Writing about self

I am reading the novel “The forgotten daughter” these days. It is a story of three ladies and how they are connected ( am yet to reach the details ). But what made me pause and write this post is the way it describes the memories , the feelings ; capturing every nuance in details.

Then as I checked this week’s prompt at Ermilia’s blog , it just hit me that writing about yourself is so much like looking into the mirror. You can not hide much when you set the pen rolling on the paper, though one can edit a lot as you ready it to present to the world. I really have not been doing that lately , paying attention to changes , noting the slight wrinkles of worry or the glimmer of pride in my own eyes. I do not have a mirror in my room and the one I use is a little far away – just enough to differentiate a good hair day from bad one. I think my writing has become a little like this too. I see the thoughts and things in a single dimensional cut. A slice of the day where I capture one-way transaction with life. But am I really letting it talk to me ? I fear am deliberately hiding from my own reflection and interpretation of my words read back to me. Some of my own thoughts are begging me to be shown light , to be placed in front of a mirror. On a good day , mirror image can boost your confidence and the vice versa would make you nervous. Similar works in writing but what is different is here is that it never is a permanent  bad one. You edit and edit and re read and read again till it makes sense atleast to you. That is when writing beomes therapeutic.

Hope this changes in days to come. Hope I can be more free with my words,atleast in drafts of my posts !

Happy writing ( more ) to me.

Good wishes

Since my surgical procedure for gall bladder stones 2 months back, my body has been in some sort of pain almost every day. Recently , the pain in neck and shoulders have increased in frequency too due to the winter chill. My husband has a ligament tear in the left knee and it is not getting better any soon I fear.

Among all this thoughts and worries, as I sat today morning, savoring some sunlight and warmth, a friend pinged me to wish me and yogesh a speedy recovery and blessings from God. It wasn’t nothing unusual but still that kindness and the care of someone to personally message you and saying you deserve the blessings ‘coz of how good you are ; that some how was very overwhelming for me. I could sense the sincerity and love in those 4 lines.

And so to everyone who has wished me good today or anytime in the past, I am so much grateful for the kindness and the good vibes.

Sending you all a lot of positivity and smiles for your day while I take lessons and a pledge to pass on this wishes to anyone in need. Let the love flow. Let the kindness grow.

image

What could be , should be

We could have been sitting there,
the plush sofa; the wine and the glasses
watching people around,
guessing their stories
and suddenly switching to ours –
as if we have left something hidden
some part of life, meant to share
in silent company and understanding.

We should have been there
Pouring tea for me, your coffee,
the aromas mixing in the air
as you would teach me a new recipe
one I would not cook, while sharing
another anecdote –
perhaps not even new
but it will lead to a new finding
about you , me and others too.

We have to meet some day soon,
before the tears replace
the words I saved for you,
before I forget the stories
and their happy endings.
And yet we both know not
When time will bless such moments
Such peace, such freedom, such wishes.