Holding to the old …

The new year celebrations are over for likes of me – specifically for the people of my age. The religious calendar followed at my home differs though. It will be on fourteenth that the month of kharmas ( inauspicious days as per Hindu astrological calculations) will be over. January fourteenth marks the accepted and expected end of winters in my part of the country. This will be celebrated by a bonfire , festive dinner menu and passing gifts to the loved ones , prayers to the local gods for new crop etc

January musings

I have never before paid attention to these rituals in the house , except for arranging gifts assigned to me and making sure that essential snacks are ordered online and delivered on the mentioned date. Me and husband will wait for my mother-in-law to prepare the sweets and once it has been offered to the gods , it will be given to the people in the house. This year it’s not much different but I feel compelled to honor the traditions and to know about them more. I have a sudden urge to be a part of the celebrations of my religion and to make them a part of my own life , without feeling like a guest.

This January came with news of moving away from my family and to have a new start in a faraway city. This month just got a completely different meaning for me in terms of new year , new month , new life perhaps. And I seek to know my roots better , before this shift. I wish I had more time to treasure all that I have taken for granted so far.

new chapter begins

the leaves become the roots

new flowers from old ..

*****

{This is my attempt at a haibun after years so I admit I am way out of practice for the form.}

Linked to Dverse Poets and Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday

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#Thankfulthursday To life ..

The world thrives on stories of hope,

Little cracked,but surviving homes;

I live each moment in awe

From when life picked me first

So out of line, yet so full of want;

You are home to me,my world,

The only constant reminder,

My prayers and wishes answered;

No matter what changes around,

Am blessed;love can be found

If you raise a toast for the gifts

That equally to strangers, you receive to give.

***

Today’s prompt by Tina & Amrita’s page for thankful Thursday post is about Home. I have always found home with people and not in places. So this is a verse dedicated to the friends and my husband who have made home in my heart. Also Jamie asked us to write a poem on raising a toast to life. This is my thankful verse for life for the blessings and the constant reminder that there always is love around when you give that freely to others.

Also linking this poem to Open Link night.

Leaving another verse about being light for yourself and others that I am glad I learned some how , even if a little late ..

Stay blessed !

Lets (not) have a baby

Last month, me and pati ( husband ) had an argument about his lack of time and attention for me ( i admit i might have exaggerated the scene a bit ) which ended up making both of us a bit irritated.

Next morning, during breakfast he asks me if i really wanted to have a kid. I told him no way was i prepared for the reaponsibility. He just accepted it with a nod, while i kept wondering why he even asked about it.

It was last week when i remembered the reason. While i was being upset with him, i had said, “perhaps we should have a kid. That way i will be busy with the child and you wouldn’t have to worry about me being alone or bored”

And i could not be more wrong. Is this how the relatives or other people think when they keep asking you to have kids ? Just to have some one bind the guy to home ? Or two people to each other ? Or even if for taking the family lineage ahead ? Is it not unfair on the partner who isn’t ready or more so to the child when you are not financially or mentally  prepared for bringing up a child.

I never would have thought about this again till today morning when i read an article on reasons for which one should not have kids. And i realize, even the thought of having a child for any reason other than two mature adults wanting to nurture a life is so damn wrong.

Having a child is a personal decision but it never should be a selfish one.

Realizations

Realizations can happen any time , any place about anyone – provided you do not ignore them.

And when they reveal things about you, it can get a little too much sometimes.

The last month has been little stressful for me even when there been moments of great joy too. But all the talking , thinking and worrying at times did leave its mark.

While I can not and do not want to re think over those lines, here’s something I did realize –

Between you and me

I am not always in sync
With the little voice in head
I do not usually deny
It says stuff I leave unsaid.

I recognize the voice as ‘she’
the kind of spirit I am not
And she has a lot to tell me
Whether asked or not to poke.

These days she been telling
I have lost a grip on things
My head is such a mess
No logic, just all feelings.

I am scared of days to come,
And of failing people who care,
I need reassurance now and then
Am not walking alone here.

I demand a lot sometimes,
She keeps sending the warning,
But to question,if am wrong,
to that, she won’t be answering.

I feel so lost, so worthless,
I don’t know what to say or write,
Between you and me, I told her
I think we both are wrong and right.

Help me, I whispered to her,
And she filled my eyes with tears
Let it flow my dear she said,
Selfless love alone can free your fear.

~ Nimue

==

Written for Month of year challenge : Nov , Sunday Scribblings , Open Link night