It started around the time I started earning and hence could plan gifts for myself. I have always made a big deal of my birthday as in buying something special or expensive. I can actually list the things i bought in last 7 years for my birthday.
I can not explain the feeling – its not expectation from friends or family even when I have never had a birthday that was not overwhelmingly love filled . It is neither an obsession for materialistic things. The closest I have come for an explaination is that I value the fact that I am responsible for creating my own happy moments before anyone else does it. No one owes me that. I earned that privilege as I gathered some amazingly kind people around me. But first , i should be willing to pamper myself with love.
I am far away from transitioning the same understanding to some of my flaws and relationships that I hammer due to my fears of losing peole. I still do not value and cherish myself the way I am , this version of me that is sum total of all my past decisions and dreams. And that I suppose is what I should and would be doing this year. This year for my birthday I will be writing , reading more , taking my health seriously and become a better person with a positive outlook.
Hope you all have figured out about yourself and your goals too ! Let me kNow if I can lend a helping hand to those ..
Oh , btw its 20 days to my birthday !! 💐 😀