You, me and nothing else

It was raining when i woke up. As I stepped out and inhaled the damp smell of the empty lot behind my place. The water fell into the puddles making spiral beauties. I smiled, and the same time I thought of a pic you had sent me. Sitting on the banks of a river, making similar circles with the stones, you appeared to enjoy so much. It was the first pic you had emailed me, even though it showed your back to the camera and a raised hand with stone. you used to send me a pic of yours after every time we fought like we would never talk again. And your smile would melt my anger always. no words ,no apologies , no regrets.

Just insane conversations and lame ideas chasing some impossible dreams and making a heavy drug – a magic potion that became not just addiction but a way of living. when realities offered to pull me down, it was my world with you that kept me smiling and hopeful. Every dark night brought me to your door steps and even if i had to wait for days to hear from you, I waited at the door steps, knocking on the door once in a while.

In hope you will listen,
and even if you not,
you understood me still,
and calmed my chaos.

Then one day you locked the door and went away to unknown lands. I sat staring at the door, staring at it hard in hope it will break lose and lead me to your sanctum – where I know you have left a clue for any one who comes seeking. Oh yes, you did that unknowingly , but I am sure there is a clue in there. But I dare not touch the lock. You will not want me to step in there. You never wanted me to know you as well as I managed to. So I walk away, and create new worlds from my dreams. But I cross your door still, in hope you will return some day. You will return , won’t you ?? The silence echoes with disappointed sighs. You are not going to return, and I will not break the lock, not yet.

The unsaid desire of yours
the unheard cries of my heart
the wait for an impossible time
the sound of fading footstep.

Its been a while I have been standing in the rains, and thinking all this. With wet eyes and heavy heart , i return to my room. As I step out of my clothes, I feel as if i am shedding a mask of mine. A mask I wore after you were gone. An invisible cloak, like I talked about last night. Yes, i changed, morphed into a sponge that absorbs and loses the world as and when I want, and not the black whole I was turning into when you left. I am not just alive , I live. I not just breathe, i make the air a part of me and when I let it out, I wish it has taken away my negative thoughts with it. I drink in the words floating around me and get high on the lines that others sell. Its a simple transaction , you sell some , you buy some.

Words that taunt your silence
pauses that fill the lines
pain that sweeps the mind
tears that fill your nights.

This weekend I saw a movie which talked of one last wish if you come alive out of a deadly situation. I did not have to think twice. I new what I would do – I will break that lock and seek you. i will not rest till I have found you. I do not know what i want to say , or what I need to hear. Maybe I just want to see if you have learned how to hug some one well. Maybe you learned a lot more while away from me. whatever be it, I need to see you once again. You took air out of my world, but it still breathes; You took away the spring , i kept it alive with tears; you took yourself out of it, I implanted your memories instead.


One more hug,
one more smile,
one infinite kiss
that lasts just a while.


you think I will move on , I did. you think I will grow out of the bond , I did. you think I will forget you, I can’t.
you remember me still, i know. you miss listening to me , i know. you will never admit to even yourself, i know that too.

I know this all,
I know bit more,
I know your ways,
mine, you forgot !


Image Source : tumbler


This is the 4ooth post on my blog and hence dedicated to the one I have been using as a muse since I started the blog ! Bless you !

20 thoughts on “You, me and nothing else

  1. It’s been a while since I have read something like this, nice, soothing, and smooth flow of emotions…
    One more hug,
    one more smile,
    one infinite kiss
    that lasts just a while.

    this is my favorite :)

  2. Firstly congrats on the 400th sweetheart :)

    Secondly do I even need to say anything but sigh…u would understand how I feel about this post…wouldn’t u?

    I was drown in all ur words as if my heart was saying…..that last wish….only if they could be real :)

  3. congrats on the 400th post … loved the way you have written ..

    and as the comment above I am sure you know where i am coming from tooo .. IF only IF…

  4. Beautiful… Each word has left an impact on my heart… Lovely lovely lovelyyyyy…
    And yea congratulations too….

  5. What to say..nothing to say> “Just to feel” the feel in each and every minute letter ..the feel in your pictures and emotions :) the reason I dont read your posts much..cos the after effect is worse(I carry the post/ words/with me for a long time. They dont go..I dont leave them:) )

  6. Oh wow. What can I say? I just love everything about this. The imagery, the language flow, the layout, the subject. Fabulous, fabulous write.

  7. WOW!
    TRIPLE A!!!
    Jaw dropping stuff.Reminding me of when I allowed myself to love innocently and absolutely
    Marvelous better.still FANTABULOUS(fantastic/fabulous)

  8. a wonderful dedication to a muse, and you brought it to life! :) wish you a happy 400th post and a quick climb to the next 100 as well :)

  9. “I am not just alive, I live.” I could have read this for hours. The images enhance, but without them, the story will still be enchanting. The journey of one heart is the journey of many souls, all intertwined in the cosmos. I truly believe we are all of us knit together in this absurd thing we call life – absurd, lovely, sad, bellyachingly funny, and true. Loved this more than almost anything of yours I’ve ever read. Amy

  10. wow!!! AWESOME JOB!!! I love it LadyN, so romantic, caring, true….I don’t have anyone I would seek out like that though but it is nice to “feel” what you wrought here, I LOVE IT :)

    Thanks for the visit!

  11. and that is a wow darling….I can place myself in every word you put here…and i just wish I couldn’t but I do….Sigh…but a brilliant piece nevertheless…

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