We all have fears and ways to hide it. Its easy to hide it from rest of the world, but when some one reads into your heart as if an open book, its a difficult scenario.
Am afraid of being loved – Like me as much you want ; for my words , for my attitude ; for my knowledge ; for the fun i can introduce ; for this and that ; like me for any reason you have. But being loved ? I stopped dreaming of that since ages. The very feeling i once had gone seeking , i fear it now. I was not hurt in love, but broken into bits by the way love treated me. Love was not to be mine – not the one i would have wanted at least. So i parted ways with those ideas and dreams forever.
Today i can not think of a romantic idea. Not even of some thing sweet to write for the one who might be made for me ! All i write of love sounds so hollow to myself that i wonder why people appreciate it. There sure are few couples i know who make me believe in love and its power, but I myself have come to the point where i know my ideas of being away from this feeling are ridiculous but i can not give up on them still.
And yesterday when some one asked me, what if some one falls in love with you, I am afraid he is gonna ask for trouble. Its taken me months to be the tough nut i am today, am not ready to crack up so easily. Do i wanna scare guys away from em like this ? No, i love them as friends and colleagues. Nothing more as of now please.
Duh ! I no longer make sense writing this. So i better stop right here !
Life, i am happy with the way i am today, this week and this month !
Let me be.
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