Sign

Give me a sign
When things are not right
And even when they are ,
Maybe I will stil need some light
On way things sound
From my mouth to yours,
Oh leave the ears out
Of our daily struggles
To fit the words
Into right slots – yes , no
Some maybes of hopes
guide me love, i whisper
Hold me close, i seek
With tight lipped silence
And eyes full of dreams
That once were you and me

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( inspired by the collage in the post )

#Atozchallenge Nostalgia

Nothing and I mean nothing can make me nostalgic like certain books. Yesterday evening, in one of the FB groups ( that needs a seperate post ) , the admin asked us to mention the books that we loved as a child.

And that has pushed me on to this massive nostalgic trip into school years and growing up with books from the library. My love for books started in class V when my english teacher alloted us to read minimum 2 books during the summer vacations. My mother who is an avid reader still, was so happy at this homework that she specially took us to nearby bigger town to get books for us. So it was panchatantra , some moral stories and few mythological books I read that vacation. Good enough to make me know what it is to read books other than textbooks. Then I discovered Famous five and Hardy Boys in school library which I survived on for next 2 years. My growing apetite for books was noticed and duly fed both by my English teacher and my mother who did not leave any birthday or celebrations without letting me buy books. I read any book I could get my hands on in relative’s houses or in my friend’s possession. I remember reading Harry Potter in class XI ( 2 years after it was published ) when a friend got it gifted by her aunt. She was not so fond of reading so offered me to read first. I finished the first book in 3 days and the next part in 4 days ( due to a test in between ).

I read not as much in school or college as much as I do now. I never was into buying or collecting either. The 7th HP was my first expensive and impulsive buy owing to the first salary around the same time. But now I buy books like a lady possessed. Last week i met a dear friend who is also an amazing author and she said she is suddenly buying in bulk as she fears the day people stop publishing books. I did not give it much thouht until today when I was searching a book for my husband. I find that its few copies are only in USA and costs about 30 dollars. The same book in a second hand shop was bought by a friend for 1 dollar last year. This really has made me panic a little. I do not want to lose the chance to collect some of the books now before they become difficult to locate. My childhood love – the series that defined my teenage have to be the first to be gathered in case my kids want to read ( they will be forced to, I know ) !

A trip to sunday book bazaar is definitely needed now. Time to start gathering the gems from the past, till some of the copies last. And one day, I will have a library of my own. Definitely I will have to open one, else the books might die of loneliness !!

#Atozchallenge Loss

There once was a place , a heart , a contact in the phone that was my escape from the world. There once was an option to hide in this place , to meet this heart , to tell secrets to this contact at even 2 am in the night. And then, we evolved. The places got bigger , the heart more in demand , the contacts more in number, less in time I asked.

Have you felt the loss of a friend ?
Have you talked ever about loss of the corners where you could step into and fade from the world ?
Have you often wished to just once be transported into that moment where you knew things are changing, and you could hug him tight and be hugged back with same intensity.

I suddenly realized that Not losses, but how we deal with them change us.
The losses will always be there , you lose some ; some lose you.
But have you stopped seeking those things , places and person any more ?
No loss is the end.
No end is always a loss.
The end or the loss is just anotjer chapter. Unless you write ahead, tjere will always be emptiness.

Keep love flowing.
Keep love coming to you.

Love the losses too.
They are sometimes a blessing and a necessity.

#Atozchallenge Gratitude

What keeps me going every single time I pause , fall or feel left behind is not my will. But it is the confidence that my family and friends have in me , the words of appreciation and trust that makes me look ahead at the goal. Or pick a new goal for myself.

Once in every 2-3 months time I am reminded of the good fortune I have in form of my friends , my husband, random inspirations and the love for words that God filled me with. Books and writing has helped me survive when I found myself in the darkest of corners of my mind.

For all this and more that I fail to acknowledge, thank you universe !

Thank you friends.
I love you all.

PS – i really think I will get this as a tattoo some day !

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Image source

Friends and strangers

There was a time, i felt it special to be accesible on text, almost 18 hours a day. Like the world would forget me, the moment I step out of the conversatioa around. Sadly , all those conversations that involved people behind screens, would make me miss what my blessed eyes could experience; what the silence in my head could make me hear in the nature; what restlessness did I imbibe from all the chatter online with strangers. Some strangers became friends, some lovers and one of them I married. But only few of them did not turn back into strangers, as they should have instead of waiting for me to react , to reach , and to seek them back to fill the vaccum their silence created.

They knew my story, my flaws, my insecurity. They , my friends loved me much but also held the power to keep me grounded when needed. Like a vain bird I wanted to fly, escape my shadow and outrun the skies, riding on false praises and meaningless hopes. One day, when all hell broke, the real people stood by my side; silently making a shield that had seen us cross years like a tide. The words were not needed, silent tears and hugs did wonders, so did the trust they showed in me. I was home. I was no longer restlessly tapping my phone. I had a life , a space in this world of touch and senses and people so close.

Be aware of words
That never reached far enough,
Show light to lost friends

#AtoZchallenge #NaPoWriMo Dare

Let go of people,
The dearest of friends first
Set your mind free
Of life’s race if you must.
Make your own milestones
Of success
Of achievements
And your happiness.
Find new goals to obsess,
A new path to explore,
Spare the drama from life,
You just need a new quest.
I dare you , said my past
To my present self.
I dare you to change,
better then the day that went.

#AtoZchallenge Take Care

We say “take care” at the end of most calls and almost every whatsapp chat multiple times a day. Offlate I realized I never said this to myself , my lazy and irresponsible part who really needs reminders every passing hour ! So I made a list of things I need to take care of immediately.

My face and skin : summers make it too dry or oily depending on your skin type. Invest in some regular beauty time sach night to fix it soon.

My health : neither good diet or excercise work best alone but something is better than nothing. I am trying to substitute regular junk food with healthy options and also to walk more every week.

My emotions : Really really need to keep them in check these days when things are not working as planned. Need to focus on positive thoughts and moments.

My mind : read , write and read better.

Also to talk about all of this more. The bottled thoughts and emotions are no good to anyone. So share , care and encourage everyone around. But be kind too.

This is a long list or maybe short as compared to actual action items i added to my daily reminders. But one has to begin somewhere. Please add your suggestions or ideas in the comments.

#AtoZchallenge #NaPoWriMo Baby

The arms seek
And so does the heart,
To hold a tiny people
And a new journey starts.

The mind is taken over
Beyond logic and science
She desires nothing so bad
As to witness magic of new life.

With passing time
And others’s disapproving gaze
She feels herself empty
And unworthy of any priase.

The womb has its own mind
Little do others want to accept
In pursuits of having a baby
She ruins her life,once perfect.

The love and desire
Turned into mindless obsession
Saner thoughts were discarded
Bordering on the depression.

Till one day she looked at him
The guy who loved her still
His devotion won over the world
Finally there was peace within.

Being together was their strength
And she could not lose it again
She will have her motherhood
But not by giving him pain.

Its a beautiful bond they built
of understanding and support,
This togetherness alone can fill
The disjointed pieces they hold.

I blossom

Remember how I fought with you when I felt some people would steal you from me ? You called me possessive. You called me mad. You thought I finally crossed a line. I knew no way to tell you how scary that time was. Insecurity fed my fears and no matter how much you or me tried, we ended cutting each other – you with your words and me with  my rudeness.

Did I care if your friends found my behave demeaning ? I probably did not. But when I found you apologizing on my behalf or making excuses, it hurt me more. You were content with the momentary high those people gave you. You needed that shot of love and confidence. But it was me who knew the  journey back from there will be dark and lonely. What if I wasn’t around to hold your hand and guide you to yourself ? But we are past all that and much more. Today i know, no matter who comes and goes, we both are going to be together in all that flows. For friendship. For love. For silence and words.

Like soil you hold,
Air water, some sunshine too
I blossom in you.