My dreams

My dreams lately have me seeing a lot of people from past. Some who have been mentioned in recent days and many who I don’t think i ever remembered after parting ways with. The dreams are kind of happy , even if not , atleast they are not sad or mysterious. Talking of mysterious dreams , I guess the weirdest one was to be invited to have a drink with my dad [ I still want to see how he or my mom would react to that ]

For years I have believed that dreams are answer to your subconscious thoughts. They might be something you badly want or just an image of what the future can hold for you. Sometimes they remind us of people we do not want to think about but we should. the college friends ( and the not-friends) I saw last week , the friends from present I saw today morning , they all had a reason to be there , even if i don’t know it now.

And the nightmares too. They show us whom we trust and turn to in real life crisis. I remember for a long time , I always saw my mom in my nightmares – in pain with me , protecting me and looking out for me. Then one night an year back, I had a real bad one and I saw him holding out his hand to me. I held that in dream and when I woke up , something inside me wanted that hand in real too. I always took it as a sign of accepting my feelings for him. And thank god I did.

 

So what do you think of your dreams ??

Into another Jan,we step

Another Jan.
Another year begins.
Another set of goals.
Another sky full of dreams – mine for myself , of loved ones from me , mine for the loved ones.
Another glance back at the paths left behind – some traveled some not.
Another look around at the smiling faces that step into this unknown journey with me – wondering how many will still be there next jan.
Another thankful nod to them and a warm welcome to the new friends.
Another empty notebook on the desk of life.

And I write ….

Watching both ahead and back,
here and there,
around and within,
inside out of my heart
outside held in my palms,
setting a new goal for me
painting a picture of happier me.
asking myself if am alone
finding a hand to securely hold on.
knowing for once,life is good,
keeping faith in music and books.
loving him ,sometimes less that more,
loving self, more than most.

Written for OSI , Month of the year challenge – January

when I think of home

There was a time, I could have said I have no home – my parents own one and that’s a place I would be welcome always. I live is a cozy room with one of the sweetest soul I know and that’s a place I forever want to return each day – to the same bed , books , that make shift kitchen , those welcome smiles of my friend and our shared space. I feel grounded when am in there – just myself. The honest , open and enlightened. But love has gone some where else. There is a place I have started feeling homely even when I have never been there. A small bed facing the tv , a computer and book rack nearby , a huge window that opens to a view of a lovely tree that’s home to many birds. pets running around the bed in circles , trying to reach me as smell of tea and fresh cookies fill the air. That’s a home I dream of. That’s the home I want. To paint the walls with our smiles and to fill it with colors of our togetherness. Where each season is welcomed alike and celebrated with music and words.

That’s a home I want for myself.
That’s a heaven I will make my own.

Some day , I hope.

Realizations

Realizations can happen any time , any place about anyone – provided you do not ignore them.

And when they reveal things about you, it can get a little too much sometimes.

The last month has been little stressful for me even when there been moments of great joy too. But all the talking , thinking and worrying at times did leave its mark.

While I can not and do not want to re think over those lines, here’s something I did realize -

Between you and me

I am not always in sync
With the little voice in head
I do not usually deny
It says stuff I leave unsaid.

I recognize the voice as ‘she’
the kind of spirit I am not
And she has a lot to tell me
Whether asked or not to poke.

These days she been telling
I have lost a grip on things
My head is such a mess
No logic, just all feelings.

I am scared of days to come,
And of failing people who care,
I need reassurance now and then
Am not walking alone here.

I demand a lot sometimes,
She keeps sending the warning,
But to question,if am wrong,
to that, she won’t be answering.

I feel so lost, so worthless,
I don’t know what to say or write,
Between you and me, I told her
I think we both are wrong and right.

Help me, I whispered to her,
And she filled my eyes with tears
Let it flow my dear she said,
Selfless love alone can free your fear.

~ Nimue

==

Written for Month of year challenge : Nov , Sunday Scribblings , Open Link night

Ask

Why are we so shy / scared to ask.
Ask questions , permissions and most importantly ask apologies !

I had gone to watch the movie “cloud Atlas” last month. When intermission happened , a couple sitting a few seats away from me came up to me and asked me how the movie began since they were 15 min late to reach the theater. After they had thanked me enough with cute smiles ( both of them seemed to be in college and really young) , I wondered if I would ever do that. I had been to movies a few minute late and even if I never had to ask about the missed scenes , I know I would not ask at all. Even if I can’t make much head of the movie , I will NOT ask some one.

There are other times too when the question is right on the tip of  my tongue but I swallow it back. I do try to ask if i know I can not absolutely function without that information. Else , I let it be , hoping it won’t matter tomorrow.
But it does.

Same is for apologies. The moment you realize it was a mistake on your part , do not let your ego come in between whats the right and best thing to do. Ask forgiveness with an honest heart. Those who ask, shall be forgiven much sooner.

Ask questions or apologies at the first chance. Life doesn’t give you another chance. And even if , it did that , the price is not always low.

==

Linked to Alphabe-Thursday - A

Illusions

Illusions work best
When mind knows not
What the heart wants
Or heart accepts answers
Unaware of mind’s plight.
But what magic can work
When you create a lie
With all your mind’s power
And the heart rips it apart
One word at a time.

 

Linked to Open Link night @ dverse Poetics

In Life’s journey

the roads pause
even if you do not;
round and round
the landmarks appear;
each experience lead to
same old thoughts;
midway or not -
its the point in life
we never realize
before it has passed
and we find a stranger
suddenly residing
within our heart and mind -
a new you,
prepared for
the new journey ahead…

–

Prompted @ Carry on Tuesday

Originally inspired by Musical Poetry Prompt : Gordon Lightfoot’s Don Quixote

Independence day !

For the first time , I do not want to type in bold "Happy Independence Day" or smile about all that this nation of mine has to offer me. Not that it has done less for the citizens. It has provided us with a lot of meaningful resources and opportunities too. But what have we given it back ? What have I as a citizen done for the nation ? or even the part I live ?

Till I have a proud answer to that , I just wish each year adds glories to my country and not shame as i have seen in the last years ..

Bless you Inida(ns)

When a woman loves

When a woman loves,
a song I heard one day;
and never knew how I would
relate to it in some way …

I remember not
the signs it detailed,
or the actions of the
lady in love, as singer says;

All I now am left with is
the faint melody
and the fragrances
of that love filled memory.

Those were the days
love rested in words alone
and today I stand
in arms of some one my own.

When a woman loves,
she might just act like me
or do I love and pine
like any woman in love would be.

.

This poem is inspired by another poem of same name by Blaga.

My thoughts, My fears

I carom my thoughts
against the block;
not the usual one you know
but a fear of sort,
not to sound callow
or more a manic,
when my words escape
the electric bond
of type and erase,
of paras and essays,
glistening off my head
will pearls of wisdom
feel worthy of all this sweat !

—

Written for Monday Melting week 4

Also linked to Open night @ dverse

To belong..

Kuch aisa bana mujhe tu apna ki begaani duniya se ho jaaun ..

[ Make me yours in a way that am alienated from the rest of the world.. ]

Wrote this line inspired by some text i got last evening. And as I sat and read it again, I had the following lines to add :

In search of him
I roam no where
but my heart
wanders;
a dream
lives in the eyes
faceless being invades
the city of pleasures
and stabs me
with the wait;
to witness reality
however harsh it is
but mine to just live,
his to claim a right
and ours to shape it new.
Currently
living parallelly
to me,is his world
haunting my cold days
with darkness of the night;
creating monsters
out of the sweet nothings
we never could exchange ..

–

Prompted @ OSI , Sunday scribblings

submitted to Poets Rally week 50

Just like me [Mera jaisa tu .. ]

The title “Mera jaisa tu” is a line from one of the songs i have been listening to a lot these days  .. And it translates to : “you are just like me”. And that made me wondering ..

They say opposites attract ! But is it not the similarities that bring two people close ??

what do you have to say about it ??

And below are the lines I wrote last night listening to the same song :

starting from the differences we have,

tracing the journey backwards

through the different views

you and me showed each other

from eyes of heart ,

and voices of soul;

i reach again the same place

where it all began,

from one word to another line,

from one silly comment

to hours of non sense talks,

to smiles , tears , pain and loss,

back to here, where I stand today,

alone yet loved, sad yet strong !

Here is the song if you want to hear :

–

Submitted to Thursday Poets rally week 49

Often he thinks

Often he thinks,
how she would remember him;
the voice that filled her
or the silence she talked,
the images on her laptop
or the blurred ones in heart,
the kiss of first meeting
or the awkward hug of last,
Will he find himself
Dissected on canvas sheets?
as she tries to paint the feelings
her words failed to express,
Will he be branded as the lava
that burnt into her defenses
and left her marked forever
without fear of consequence.
or will he deserve forgiveness
in the name of forgotten past
and be just a name to her
not even the way she called.
And he laughs loudly
at his desperate thoughts
that walked away to be forgotten
and now desire not to be lost.

==

This poem was inspired from the lines

“Will he find himself,

Dissected on canvas sheets?”

from a poem by MindlovesMisery .

Some thoughts on bombay blasts

He who lost some one
will never forget the pain
while leaders would scream
promises in vain;

Did we not ourself make
a difficult security scene
where rules are discarded
and later lives go to same bin.

Prayers to ones hurt
but caution to the rest
its your own safety damn it
better be aware than dead !

Not a lot about Love

Well the first song my Ipod made me listen to was “mohabbat ki jhoothi kahani par roye” [ Translation : Cried over the lying tales of love ] .. And though the lyrics are pretty clear with no hidden reference to anything, the lines made me think about the concept of love. A friend last week had argued that unless we love ourself, we can not love any one. And i guess he makes sense now. If I can not love myself, how can I expect some one else to do that same ? My flaws are mine but they are no more than the good I posess. I am lot better that I judge myself [ also lot worse than I think ]. But that’s what and who I am. and always be.

Love does not lie. Love indeed gives you all happiness you seek. And it can give you loads of pain too if you try to decide the source of love and ignore the rest. Friends , family , readers of my blog , people I talk to online and offline , my team mates , any one who makes my day any better becomes my source of Love. And I become the source when I acknowledge the same. And I just love them all a lot. Some of them , I love too much I guess. And it makes me happy just to know such wonderful people.

So If i still want to cry foul that life did not give me a taste of love, well, I am going to make a fool of myself. I am finally prepared to wait for the one person who will come and understand my bonds to others and glue them with his trust and cares. I need no one who wants me to cut away from my network of people just to have a bubble of forced safety. Not again.

My heart is not empty any more to let any one make home there. It neither is full enough not to let worthy people stay in some corners.

I am now running out of both ideas and time , So I stop typing now.
Whatever this might mean to you,
Bless you !
Loved be !

Some days

Some days
just some
I let go of
I think so
My regrets

In a moment
So many
I could forget
I think so
Those days

I think of
not just you
where I parted
of days gone
spent so alone

It happens
Always to me
Let it unfold
Soon I pray
As it will be.

Written collaboration with Leo (the lines in blue)

Image Source

Love filled afternoon

I need to kill boredom,
not that i have nothing else to do
but i still wanted something new;
I ask you for some ideas,
another attempt to make you
speak something;tired to see you mute.
You give me some hard looks
eager to let your imagination
descend into the books you read;
But also aware that will not rest
unless you provide me an object
to keep myself engrossed and busy.
So you send me off to the attic
to search for the grandmom’s album
that no one seen has seen in ages
Am glad i went off at once
without another thought to the task
now that i hold in my hand,the rewards.
This image of her and her sisters
she kept below the pillow on her bed;
i never saw her this happy till the very end.
Will you and me fade the same way
just in each other heart;or will i have
your hands to hold when i beath my last.
I might have been thinking aloud,
’cause you come and hold me close
and whisper in a surreal tone,”love you a lot”.

Inspired from Magpie Tales & 3WW

Tears

To let out the pain;
Ease the tension in brain;
Accept my weakness;
Retrieve the strength;’cause
Soon I must overcome it all.

June was the month when i was going through no-joys-all-sorrows phase of year 2010. And being the person i am, i admit i give into disappointments too easily although i do not let them rule my head for long. This post is a reminder of the fact that sorrows do not last, but when you get them as company, do not feel ashamed to be weak at times.

Written for Months of the year challenge – June

Clasp

a tight clasp creates
friction,not togetherness-
we all need our space.

 

Prompted @ Haiku Heights & Sunday Scribblings

Standing (proud) ?

I see a sweet little girl, trying to balance her tiny feet on the sidewalk ; one feet ahead of the next ; holding her fancy dress in her pink fingers. But not for a second do i confuse her with me. I am not her , She is not me. She should not be. Not ’cause i wasn’t this happy and playful when young but ’cause i am not like her today – 20 years later.

I laugh at myself still though knowing well it’s for world’s sake. I curse myself for my mistakes and yet make them again. I live in the pain of lost love and treat it like ecstasy. My words are fueled from the darkness that lurks in my life. The days are brighter than they should be – don’t you know that light turns others blind too ? the nights darker than they could be – i even hide my shadows from myself.

I don’t ever hurt others – its considered a sin ! I betray none, bother none. No one is allowed to love me any more though i seek love from many. I hate just my loneliness as much i enjoy my solitude. I am contradiction that agrees most with my doubts. I am tears in motion, fears that feasts my soul.

I am all this more – And i wonder how i became so ! where is that shy girl gone  ! One who loved just herself and laughed on just her own reflection.

And yet you do not need to worry – I stand tall and proud ! Isn’t what the world thinks i am  !!

I act what you want to see; I do what you will never like to !

.

.

This post was started as prompted at Thursday Tales but the real inspiration came from “Imperfect Prose”. i rarely let my ideas go this way. and am not really sure if i did it well.

.

.

Image Source 1 Image Source 2

Words in my head

When love passes by you;

this storm has the fury;

to create its own way;

destroying you as it go

something new or someone dead.

**

(words by me, image source mentioned below)

**

I was just there

your thoughts passed by

your smile

healing my wounds

that your words left behind.

**

Appreciation heals

the oldest marks of rejection

not words,but your thought

**

Appreciate every

moment passing by your day

treat it like your best

**

This was one of the most random post i wrote here. Taking all prompts at once, letting them mix and compete with each other, and finally penning whatever won the fight in my mind. Please bear with me this week !

(Following image is not my creation. Adding it here since it goes with my sentiments )

Image source

Prompted / submitted to OSI , sunday Scribblings , Haiku Heights , 6WS

Faith

“Face of faith changed for me”

Faith. The word inspires varies emotions in my heart , mind and soul. Faith on your family not to desert you; on the love you thought will never let you feel low;on the friend you never knew could make you cry so much;on yourself whose real power you never can fathom unless forced to.with every person, it changes its face, meaning and extent of its being between you and the concerned person. Strangely, it never leaves you even when broken. for long you keep searching reasons for its loss, searching for either excuses or ways to hurt it back. so where does this leave us ? when even you can betray the faith you have on yourself, what keeps faith living ? Answer is different to each individual.  for me, the faith people instill in me and keep on me keeps me working to preserve it. what keeps your faith safe ?

empty eyes;torn hearts;

faith only let life find place;

the resurrection.

Prompted @ Sunday Scribblings & 6 word Saturday

Submitted to OSI and Haiku Heights

Image Credit

Thoughts

My thoughts
my well wisher;
ideas,memories;
the most dangerous weapon known;
pensive?

Learn more about the poetry form used i.e the Cinquain here.

Prompted @ OSI and Sunday Scribblings