Feelings

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The moments i whisper
the simplest words for you,
a thunderous storm kicks up
in my head and heart -
Its no easy way to tell
not in less than thousand words,
how much i miss you.
the world revolves around you
And it will be so always,
but how does one fight the urge
to shut down every other thought
and go on with the task in hand,
like say, making my fave soup
but following your dressing tip,
Each golden sunset with a red halo,
a reminder of your words
Dripping in my blushing eyes,
i inhale you scent from my skin
Tracing empty palms on my skin,
where only you can reach
And make these feelings come alive.

May photo a day . Day#3 this is good.

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For me, nothing is better than books, book racks , book stacks , book covers ….

So you get my point i guess. Since i am on a self impised restriction on buying new books ( i cheated on that yesterday though)  , i am filling my kindle reader with lot of free books. This is a screenshot of some of my fav books !

Also, i am 6 books ahead of my reading goal. I cant stop eatching all the book covers in my reading progress page. Here is a screenshot from goodeads :

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M loving this !!

zzzzzzzzz

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The blog is sleeping.
And yes , I am to be blamed for that. Suddenly so much is happening in my life that I have no head or heart in writing anything. This is a short post to say hello to anyone who still drops by. A thank you to friends whom I know are wondering where I am hiding , and a promise that I would be back (soon I hope).

Be good. Keep writing and I promise I would read you all sooner than I start blogging again.

Wake up

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Dreams , maybe not
Of your fingers on me
Smiles on you

Messages of morning
Of love , longing and care
Of rosy reality

Wishes like prayer
Whispered to pillow so soft
Like your heart.

Finally the call
Out of dream to real
You are mine.

This is collum lune. Inspired by sunday mini challenge at imaginary toads. Also linked to sunday scribblings.

A to Z challenge : I am “scared”

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There always were things
I did not know,
about myself,about you;
there always would be stuff
that would remain unsaid
and so unknown to me and you.
This unknown did not matter
till last night,when less was said
and many questions it left;
where we stand,where we flow
its a hard decision,we know
hold on to me,as we face the storm.
It will not help,to turn away
it might be the best,to hold our place
yet it scares me,the bonds we break;
the words we leave behind,
the world we plan to create
are we too early , or too late ?

A to Z challenge : Kindle for books

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For a long time , I thought one needs to buy kindle to read the books available on amazon [ They were at times lot cheaper than paperback]. Then amazon came out with Kindle apps for PC , android , iPad , windows Phone etc and that opened a lot of books to me.

You can download the free kindle apps here

Also , chrome has a kindle cloud reader widget that can be installed and access all the books you have purchased.

Recently I bought a new phone that has an awesome kindle app and reading is so much easy and fun. I am so so addicted to it that I do nothing on phone in free time except read. Browsing kindle, I also came across this list of Kindle’s top 100. What is really cool about this list is that there are both free books and the paid ones. Kindle books get synced to the last line read on all applications and devices at same time so you can always switch from laptop app to the phone one seamlessly.

Do download and try some really cheap and interesting reading options !!

And lastly ,  Please check my poetry collection on Kindle : Fragments

If you happen to buy and read , please let me know your feedback.

A to Z challenge : Fasting

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This is the season for navratri in India – the nine auspicious nights dedicated to worshiping goddess Durga in her many ( 108 being exact) forms. These days are also synonymous for Fasting. Most people keep 2 fasts atleast while many go for 7-8 days of fasting. Of course , last day is for feasting :D

Last time I had made halwa to celebrate the feasting ceremony ;)

I have never been a big fan of fasting unless I read this article on it benefits. suddenly the talks of my mother on this issue made a bit more sense to me. And yet , I do not keep the religious fasts, not unless my mother asks me to. Instead I try to cut down food intake and replace it with fruits and fluids once every week. Basically , I realized that we have to cut out the excess from our life and do it again and again to maintain a healthy system. Be it food , shopping , art or even studies ; We all need break from our routine and this break should be enjoyed and welcomed with good spirits.

I go on a “no book shopping fast” twice a year . It is always so tough to keep filling my wish list and wait for the day when I begin buying all these books. but i realized , the wait is too rewarding. Not just I can get few books as gifts from my guy , but the wait makes my shopping all the more pleasurable.

What do you think you need fasting from ?

A to Z challenge : Monsters in my Life

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We all have our own version / definition of monsters at different age. Its like giving a different face to our fears as we grow up. So I thought of few faces I can associate to this feeling ( based on my age )

4 : I don’t recall why I had this image fixed in my head that the top floor of my grandmother’s home had a sand man living there. Who always wanted to eat me. My mom says it was one of my nightmare that I told her about and frankly that particular spot gave me creeps till I left the house

10 : There was a robbery in my area and for a month. That time I used to be so scared of any one  who roamed the streets in dark. The watchman’s “jaagte raho” really kept me awake :D

15 : One day I saw a 18 year old guy touch a 10 year old girl in an inappropriate way. I can not forget the look of confusion and fear on the girl’s face. Even though I was standing far away, I felt disgusted and afraid at same time. That was the first time I came to recognize why my mother always told me to be safe. That guy was the first real monster I came across.

25 : I was a victim of online stalking and defamation. I had never felt so insecure and vulnerable. I saw strangers asking me not to visit their blogs ’cause some one would follow my steps and say mean things about me on their page. I quit blogging and closed all my accounts for an year. That email id ( the only identity of my stalker) was my nightmare and monster equivalent for  along long time [ I still live in those fears I admit ]

On and off I have come across stories that would make me sad , scared and depressed at state and moods of people. Few of them so much deserve to be branded monsters. I pray for people who have to bear and deal with such creatures !

Inspired by the theme at

A to Z challenge : Lonely nights

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Much has been written,
And said
Of nights in our times
Foggy like ghosts of dead.

Hollow eyes stay glued
To hopes
We neither understand
Nor we pull those ropes.

Confused emotions
And dreams
Lie bleeding in heart
Supressing the screams.

In silent whispers of loss
And loneliness
I scribble these verses
N order to be blessed.

Pardon my sharp tongue
And loud voice
Remember the tears,
The would pay the price.

In dark i lie awake
And alone
Awaiting the dawn of love
Melting the stares so cold.

If once you turned back
To see
The eyes are set on roads
That bring you to me

last email

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Nothing specific
But maybe it could become,
If only he had replied
To the last email she sent.

Actually there were many
One for each day,
Most were answered well
But one would remain.

It was a pattern of sort
A habit she got used to
The emails had no goodbye
Neither a reason to renew.

Even then they wrote,
To each other religiously
And waiting who would end
This pretense of untiring duties

You see the love had gone
And the words grew cold
But more difficult were the hearts
That refused to let go.

A to Z challenge : H(a)unted

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different words -
feeding on emotions same
fear , hatred , anger;
some one got the thrills,
corrupted by the power
of the mask worn;
growing each day
from terror her eyes showed;
indulging in the game
outside the boundaries
once well drawn.
Hunted she was,
and maybe always,
haunted she would stay;
by the scars
his vile intentions
would become her nightmare.

A to Z challenge : This is going to be “fun”

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the magical bond
sparkled with fairy incense -
Love alone heals us

“This is going to be fun”, She thought to herself and smiled.She packed her bags , loaded the car with lot of food and left to see him.

Unaware of her plans , he struggled through the day , thinking of one good break from everyone around. And everything too. Suddenly it seemed that everyone was only concerned about the wedding. No one asked them , what they wanted , how they wanted their day to be. Everyone had their hopes and dreams to fulfil.

An hour later , she was standing outside his office. She did not have to wait long. Both of them always knew where they would be at any moment.

He hugged her , welcoming the sweet surprise with a huge grin. As he took the keys from her , he saw the packed bags and asked , “Are you going some place tonight ?”

“No , we are going out of town for the night”
“Good. I really need that, you know”

She winked and kissed him ,blushing a little as he looked at her admiringly.

“This is so much fun”, he though to himself and smiled.

A to Z challenge : Excuses

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Excuses are as varied as the cause or reason for which we invent them. But the worst ones are those , the heart invents for the mind. Not that mind is always right . but sometimes we know we are lying to our-self.   Last 3 days I have “excused” myself from some important things and I am not proud to that  -

  • I did not go to gym / or even for an evening walk which I so much love.
  • I did not write anything for 3 days, creating a backlog for blogging and same for reading blogs too. Not to add , that delaying my own therapy in times of over thinking.
  • I was irritated with something and I acted rude with my brother.
  • I did not pray or thank god for all the smiles he adds to my life every day.

I can list out the excuses / genuine reasons here for all these but the fact that I know I wasn’t right , doesn’t let me dwell on that. Instead I have to now fix all these. And find a way out before I make a pattern to excuse myself out of my duties and responsibilities.

Here’s to a happier and better week ahead. To heal , to read , to write , to smile , to love and be worthy of being loved.

Stay happy and blessed.

Book Review : Tantra by Adi (@dearAdi)

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Fantasy fiction , supernatural , mythological .. you name it and I love this genre. since I good hooked to reading such books, I always been on lookout for Indian authors writing similar books. After Ishaan Lalit’s “the bracelet” and Kalika ( english translation of a famous Malyalam novel) , the wait has been too long.

Then I came across Tantra. Though the cover was decent , one look at the plot and my heart was on this book. I badly wanted this to be another good read and thankfully I was not disappointed.


Anu is a leather wearing, no-nonsense professional guardian with a reputation for killing the most dangerous vampires in New York City. But when her enemies murder the one person she truly cared about, all she wants is vengeance. The only clue points to New Delhi, so Anu puts in for a job transfer.

In India, she finds more than she expected. For one thing, her fellow operatives have made a truce with the vampires. For another, it’s way too hot to wear leather.

At first, it seems Anu’s biggest challenge will be evading the nice boys her aunt wants her to marry. But when children start disappearing, she discovers forces older and darker than anything she’s faced before. All of Delhi is in danger, especially the sexy stranger who sets Anu’s pulse racing.

To prepare for the coming battle, Anu must overcome her personal demons and put aside years of training. This time, her most powerful weapon will come from her mind, not her weapons belt.

After a long time I have come across an Indian female character who is in control of her head and heart ( mostly) . No giggles , no guy issues , no drama. Anu is a true professional vampire hunter [ Sigh! And I love vampires] , one of the best in her generation. But even she finds herself clueless and lost at first in capital city Delhi. The settlement , the relations made , unexpected friendships and unusual foes do make her life interesting and difficult at the same time.

Adi’s writing is  simple , clear and with lot of humor, which I must say is done with a class. The setting is realistic and relatable ,except maybe her night Auto travels. I actually envy her the liberty to sit on rooftops and enjoy the beauty of night. I liked her boss in Delhi , suresh but sadly not much light is thrown on his character. An obvious love for Chandra , the old and charming [ with looks of 25 yr old ] Chandra and total win for Amit , the vampire hunter and anu’s friend. We all love and need and should be such awesome friends and company for all times !

The dark forces in the book arise from use of Tantra and I enjoyed the way Adi sets its plot and unravels the extent of Tantra. Also the description of Maya and its power or hold on the world is a treat to read and imagine [ I will not say more in case I spoil the beauty of these scenes ]. On that note , Adi gets full score.

what I missed in the book was a proper background of Anu , of the vampire hunters , how and what made them different from rest , Chandra’s story and bit more of larger picture of the forces at work in the book. I know there is a sequel coming and I hope all these questions are answered in that.

Overall, I enjoyed the book.

My rating : 4/5

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This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers. Participate now to get free books!

Missing the “Drone”

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the only drone floats
along the debris of aircraft
memories held safe

She felt odd she had argued with Zen. If his loud grunt could be considered that, she smiled. He was a creature of less words and more drama. And just like that , today morning he said it was the day to orbit the aircraft. No amount of ass-licking [ he loved this word and used it often on her ] would make him abort his trip, he had declared.

And now , barely 3 hours later , she knew something was not right with him. She hated to send him alone out there in space but then, drones are meant to be alone. She squinted at the screen to see any sign of his return but knew he would not return unless his mission for the day was fulfilled. Stupid programming, she cursed aloud and went to drink the night away.
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Inspired by the theme at 3ww and  : 

A to Z challenge : Praise the “cooks”

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candles flickered,
casting fun shadows on wall
hungry eyes look bored.

He was late tonight. The head witch Tracy sat impatiently at the door step waiting for him. The new comers to the witch family , sat impatiently around the dinner table , staring at the food which had gone cold already. Finally footsteps were heard from far away. He was still two streets away when Tracy ordered the candles to be lit and the food to be roasted once more. He liked his meat warm and chewy unlike the rest who did not care a bit for her cooking. And so , she made them wait every night for him. Little did they know , he liked to act important, hence the deliberate delay every night. It was after all a good decision to host the witches , he thought to himself as he entered his house, specially Tracy who loved to cook for anyone who cared to praise her.

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Inspired by the theme at

A to Z challenge : Believe

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“you don’t believe it ?” , she asked him as she folded a few more dresses and stacked them on the bed.

Next she took out the suitcase from the almirah and only when she was done packing her things , did she turn to him.  All this while he was looking at her activities with an amused look.

“so ..” , she looked at him questioningly.

“If you had to leave , you could have just left. you know , why spend last half hour convincing me about it ? Unless you want me to ask , when you would be returning” , he smiled as he picked her suitcase and walked ahead of her, without waiting for a reply.

She went and sat in the waiting cab, and finally laughing at her actions , she slowly said, “you really think I will not leave you alone for long ? You are right dad. I am returning soon and make sure you do not have any more fun without me”

And then she was gone. Out of her nest , for the first time ; with his belief in her , her belief in his trust and herself as her only ally.

a flower awaits,
pretty butterfly new born,
wonders lie in path.

A to z challenge : Adventure

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she got it wrong,

the free bird reminded her-

money never goes high.

Sheela sat at her desk , looking out of the window. She could see the sun set in far horizon and the birds return home. she wished she could return home too. Then very slowly , she turned to look at the laptop screen where the Outlook showed a whole lot of emails awaiting her reply. She knew it would be another long day. Or night, she laughed to herself , hearing the office go silent.

If only she had listened to her heart to go on that adventure with him. That unplanned vacation he had so excitedly asked her to take with him. The trip he finally went alone and both of them missed each other so much. Just then, he called her and she made a mental note to join him over weekend, wherever he was and not to return for another week.

The pending work did not make her sad anymore.

She was finally let her heart win over her head.

And she felt lot better after a long time.

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Inspired by the theme at

the things that are not

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The things you do for love’s sake
But the same you ask not;
The verses of love you write
But most you get replied not;
The days you want to act stubborn
But you know well you can not;
The nights you stay awake in bed
And wish it wasn’t so;
The dreams you see with open eyes
And wish they could be re-told;
The love you hold in your heart and life
That the world would appreciate not;
The only hands that can hold you well
Are the ones that stay closed;
The hopes you create in waking hours
Your nightmares burn them all;
And when you write all this down,
Trust me it will hurt you more;
But you still think of such moments
And want them to be not;
The way you wish the things to be,
The very things that are not.

I also recorded this poem :

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for open Link Night.

Missing home and mom

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I fell sick yesterday ( again ). I actually fall sick pretty often sadly :(

So yesterday’s sickness , I blame on the evening trips to nearby dhaba to have bread pakoda , the Saturday evening sandwich ( the veggies dint taste that good i admit ) and last to the Sunday morning sub ( that definitely tasted stale ).

Yes , the food and the changing weather with the ability to spoil food soon has finally hit me once again :|  *sulks*

The final result : I had a severe migraine , a mild fever ( which is still there as I type this ) , bodyache ( the back still hurts )  and an upset stomach ( I am yet to decide about its status)

and now comes the saddest part of being unwell : Being alone.

Roomie is home and I have no friends to call for the night *sulks a little more*

such are the times when I wish I was home. I have always been a sick gal since I left home. I have at times told myself that maybe my sickness is as physical as emotional. Or maybe psychological [ i forgot the exact term for that ].

The days I miss mom a bit too much or the days when I am low and I really need people around , I somehow fall sick. and as much as I try , I have to skip office , which further adds to me woes. People would think I am used to stay alone but the truth is , day after day , I am getting less capable of being alone. about 6 years after leaving home , I now crave more for a home.

And tonight again, I miss mom. The 4 calls to her during the day are not enough for me to be consoled and she knows it.

So, before I made another call to her and cry my heart out [ yes I am still a baby when it comes to be sick. I cry ] , I decided to write this to let that moment pass.

So, no more call to mom. no more being upset, just take my meds and be a good girl for a while.

Hope your weekend and Monday was better !

 

 

Being loved and Loving

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And like Emily begins her posts some days, when I began typing , I had the line in my head – where I accept sometimes it is tough to feel loved. Some days I question all that I have in my hands , the love I feel surrounded by , the hopes , the dreams and I can see the piles of my smiles falling down brick by brick. Then I get back to my prayers and instantly , I see a ray of blessing shining on me. Lover boy calls me and in his own special ways makes me smile and make me sure of the dreams we made together for our life.

Thank you God for listening so soon to me.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with mother. I told her , even 15 min of time spent in prayers feel so hard while we spend hours doing nothing or gossiping or any random activity. She told that this realization is the beginning of making conscious effort to pray and be thankful to God. There was a time when I thought admitting that I pray or more so , admitting I can not pray daily and with full conviction in my God , was not a good thing.

Recently after reading doubts and realizations and confessions and love filled posts from some wonderful people I meet here on Imperfect Prose , I learned that being honest matters. Being thankful matters. Being loving and accepting the love is more important that regretting the moments you did otherwise.

thank you all for teaching me so much.
for loving me so much.
for just being the awesome YOU.

 

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