A semi-colon

Yes ! I am talking about a pause, a break here. So thought of semi-colon :D

Now the pause – We all need break from routine, to give space to our mind and pursue new ideas. Every writer / poet gives one advice to others “READ, Read a lot” And that’s exactly what I have not been able to do lately. I do not regret that I am spending time on listening to music or writing random lines on twitter; but yes, I miss reading poetry blogs. I miss being a part of my blogger friend’s journey with words. And so, after a lot of fight with myself, I decided not to write on this blog for next few weeks. I know so many of you know I can not stop writing when I am in flow, so I am going to keep writing but not posting here. I must read as much as I like to be read. And so my dear friends, I am soon going to visit you all in the next month. Will love if you leave your links in the comments here so i can start right away !

Keep writing.

And keep reading my old posts :D

Love !

Without you – A letter unsent

I knew I would live. I already was living right ? I might have told it was difficult coping with it, and maybe it really was. You see, i missed you for every stupid reason. I still do, as a matter of fact. Till date I found no one to whom I could narrate my nightmare and not be called crazy. Only you can laugh at my dreams and still help me turn them true. No one can be that idiotic to teach a girl like me "rules of drinking" ! [ Those are the best advice you gave me and i think of it whenever I drink]. No one still doesn’t know I am so used to routines even when my life looks such a mess. No one understands when, even after the pain and agony caused to me by my ex, I say he alone should not be blamed for that. No guy has ever remembered my weekdays routine like you did – wednesdays for this , thursdays for that ! Gosh , at times i myself used to be so amazed at being reminded of them. No one have ever again dropped an email to me at 3 am from office and said "I know you would be upset to see this and that’s why I am heading home right now". No one ever send me song lyrics and random poetry whenver I shared a problem. You initiated me into music and lyrics. You saw the dream of me being a writer some day even when I was just trying to impress you. I remember when my ex told you once "Dude, you do not know what you are losing" , on asked why you never thought of dating me. And the way you told him "I hope you know what you have got". I loved you even then, I loved you lot before that, but we both knew it was useless to admit.

We both loved,
but at wrong time ..
Lovers we were,
I yours, you mine,
but in a parallel life…

There is no single reason why we met, And a whole mystery why you left.
There are people who do not want to know where their loved ones part the way,
And then there is me, who try as much i want, can never find you again.

But there is still hope, a faint beleif that one day we will cross paths again, long time from now,When i will have another world of my own, you will give me your light to make it shine.you and me will sit together again,and this void in my life will be filled with love. Love, that was beyond my understanding, beyond your appreciation, beyond Love itself.

Am sorry if i tainted it by putting in words, or covered it with the wraps of human expectations. You my friend, are in love with life. And I agree am no part of the mosaic of your time.

Song in my head

Very few days
when you wake up
with a song in your head,
blessed be the days
when you can smile
over a song in your  head.
reasons be unknown
for the joys bubbling
from the song in your head.
hum it first,then
sing it aloud to the world
the song in your head…

***

Dedicated to all my friends and readers here is the song i woke up humming in my head -  [ The song has english subtitles so you can watch]

 

Sifar [ Music & the band]

This is no review of the and songs. But a humble recco to all of you to check the songs and provide your inputs.

Right now, on the official page of the band , one will find three songs which can be palyed there [ plus the lyrics] and even downloaded.

I will start with the song I liked best : Main jaunga

Loved the lyrics most , then the pace with which it starts , it really draws you into the track and you are soon lost into this . Not to mention that you can actually hum this one easily even after the song is over ! which am actually doing for these lines :

Mujhse yu kyun khafa hai tu
Kyun ye doori, kyun juda hai tu
Khokar apne dil ki ye aawazein
Apni manzil se fanaa hai tu

 

Roko Na mujhe

The song opens to a nice drum piece and immediately the singer picks up the pace a notch further. Pretty neat lyrics that hit you hard enough to be related to ! Loved the way the song fades, not ends.

Gunah

I liked listening to this for the pace of the song. The guitar work in middle of the song is pretty cool ! Worth a check for sure !!

 

So go to the page now and hear these guys out !!

And do leave comments :)

Read a  proper review of the songs by Rohit here

Musical Memory#3 : Joy

joys of making bonds
with one who had none before
his smile said it all

..

Prompted @ Sensational Haiku Wednesday

This haiku was also inspired by the memory of my school days. The conductor of the school bus for my route did not have a family. On rakshabandhan he was all the more upset to see rakhis on almost all guys’ wrist. To cheer him up, i offered to tie him a rakhi which he readily accepted.  He heard the same set of songs daily with the first song being this -

I heard this so much that i could sing the whole song any time !!

God bless him wherever he is !

Childhood Memory

From where i sit, i see two swings,
alternating movement, dangling free feet..

shading the view,the dark trees,
extending in all sides,like frame of movie..

my mind no longer,on words i hear,
but instead mapping,images to memory.

a summer afternoon,hot and humid,
of childhood friends,smiles and screams..

and soon my heart,is no longer with me,
for tonight it has found,the best moments to re live…

 

Written for One shot Wednesday

Loss – A haibun

I miss some one I have never met. It does not mean I knew him not. He was the one who understood nothing of my culture but me for sure. We met in a poetry forum, me amazed at his bold writes and he surprised to see an “Indian” like them. It was a pleasure to break his myths about India each evening as he broadened my horizons of writing every night. words flew like boundless love from one country to another; from one heart to another. A dream to meet just once , a desire to hold his hands, a beleif in the boundless love between two people so different in every way.

And one day, he lost his son to suicide. He lost to life, And I lost my best friend and guide.

seasons change always
your words frozen in time wrap
I explore vaguely

 

===

Prompted @ Inspiration Monday &  Tuesday Tryut

Dedicated to you, dad

I can not begin to list the ways
or even try to count the days
when you made me smile,
amazed you do it always right.

your organized way of work,
and the same for your stuff,
unlike the mess i love to make
for which i also get your stares.

or the time when you ask
if except reading,i did any task
the whole day thati was home
if i even took a bath ot not.

I think of you when i go shopping
imagine your shock at the pricing
not for the things i buy for self
but the ones,that for you i get.

And when mom tells you of my age
its high time ,wedding plans be made
you give us such puzzled looks at time
your princess has grown up, you realize

But I tell you today, and always the same
Old or not, wise or not,in smiles and pain,
I remember you first,and your proud face
and I promise i will always keep it this way.

Happy Father’s day ! :)

Stranger Talks

I love you still
feel you still
want to know
and meet you still
but on my ground
on my terms
in my own sweet time

The power of love
mysterious for sure
like a storm in the sea
where two strangers meet
at the mountain’s retreat
and commit to love

Do you know
what tides bring
when one stays
watching other walk away
shores washed empty
where tears strayed

 

This is a part of the poetry duel me and Yogesh (@ibeingme) had last night ..  The lines in red are by him. Sadly I lost few of the texts we exchanged. But will keep looking for older ones and post !

Not a lot about Love

Well the first song my Ipod made me listen to was “mohabbat ki jhoothi kahani par roye” [ Translation : Cried over the lying tales of love ] .. And though the lyrics are pretty clear with no hidden reference to anything, the lines made me think about the concept of love. A friend last week had argued that unless we love ourself, we can not love any one. And i guess he makes sense now. If I can not love myself, how can I expect some one else to do that same ? My flaws are mine but they are no more than the good I posess. I am lot better that I judge myself [ also lot worse than I think ]. But that’s what and who I am. and always be.

Love does not lie. Love indeed gives you all happiness you seek. And it can give you loads of pain too if you try to decide the source of love and ignore the rest. Friends , family , readers of my blog , people I talk to online and offline , my team mates , any one who makes my day any better becomes my source of Love. And I become the source when I acknowledge the same. And I just love them all a lot. Some of them , I love too much I guess. And it makes me happy just to know such wonderful people.

So If i still want to cry foul that life did not give me a taste of love, well, I am going to make a fool of myself. I am finally prepared to wait for the one person who will come and understand my bonds to others and glue them with his trust and cares. I need no one who wants me to cut away from my network of people just to have a bubble of forced safety. Not again.

My heart is not empty any more to let any one make home there. It neither is full enough not to let worthy people stay in some corners.

I am now running out of both ideas and time , So I stop typing now.
Whatever this might mean to you,
Bless you !
Loved be !

The moon and you

Its a full moon night again – the night you so loved and will always love.
I still remember talking to the moon about you and hoping you would call.
You had your own days to call, your moods and your rules, your .. everything was yours.
I was your friend , I was your entertainment , I was your kind of person – whatever that meant.
But the moon was not yours – even though I loved it ’cause of you, It was mine.
It woke me up at midnight and told you have not slept. I used to text to ask.
It sang me lullaby, the days I would wait for your call while you slept early.
It came down to my window on days I ignored it;as if complaining to me.
It.. Its everything to me many nights. even on no moon day, I know its there.
Unlike you.. who came to teach me love and gifted me pain the same time.
Unlike you.. who wished to stay alone yet attracted me the same time.
Unlike you .. who was so out of my reach yet appeared almost mine.
who moved out of sight,not out of mind,yet will never out of my life -
You made me a lover of yours and the moon alike …

Our song

Words of this song,
magic of the notes,
memory of lost love,
lingers on..

I remember the look
from joy of my hopes,
hurt from my secrets,
such flash images grow..

Your sorrows,i know
gifted from the evening
of passion shared,and
words of no meaning…

If you could please
punish me for everything,
and have things your way,
just once, say something…

**

Written for One Shot Wednesday

This is an attempt at translation this poem i wrote in my mother tongue hindi . Those who can understand it, will agree, this english version does not really has the charm. But i did try !

The story part 5 – an end and a beginning

Today was the last time he would be seeing her. It was her 25th birthday – the day he had been dreading since he sasw her five years ago. Her dad had left the world, leaving him in charge of her well being. And he had stepped in his shoes without a thought. Like it was always meant to be this way. Like he had been preparing all his life for this task. She was his only destiny, his life, his only motive to be alive most days he thought. And soon she will be some one else’s destiny. He felt a tinge of sadness at this thought. But nothing he said or did could change this fact.In his one room flat, He waited for the darkness to set in , and then walked to her place.

The door to her apartment was not locked as usual. He stepped into the living room and picked the book she had bought him last, before settling himself on the couch.. The house was full of baking aromas. Her favorite CD played his favorite tracks. He smiled, then as if he realized,he should save time, he stiffened and started reading in silence.

“Would you have coffee ?” She asked, peeking from kitchen.
“Cold one please” he replied without bothering to look up from the book.
“Are we eating out?” she asked next,
“No, I already ordered italian for you.”

Minutes later she came and sat next to him with two large beer mugs full of cold coffee. she looked stunning, he noticed.And different. She was wearing make up, he noticed. Not the overly done kind which girls he met wore, but very subtle, enhancing her eyes and brightening her skin tone. Or maybe it was that .. He shook the thought from his mind.

“You did not tell me, you wanted to go out” he teased her.
“No, I did not. I know we need to stay here if I want a decent conversation to happen”
Then there was a long silence. But it was normal. They never talked more than 20 minutes at a stretch. He read , she hummed whatever played in the background, sitting on the couch always.

“I wanted to ask something” she started cautiously after some time.
He did not reply. He finished the story and said calmly, “Lets eat.”
Over desserts, she asked him again, “Who am I to you ?

“I am your assigned caretaker. That’s my ancesteral job.”
“I do not understand this.Why do i not remember anything of the time before meeting you except a man leaving the house and you coming in.” she asked, but he went on, as if he had not heard her.
“He was my father.The man whom I replaced.” He thought of his ancestors for a moment and then continued. “You remember the shapes that scared you the day you saw me first ?”
“Yes, i still see them in my nightmares.”
“They are the demons that you unleash when your power escalates a level.”
“but then where do they go”, she asked and then fell silent as realization hit her.”your father killed them all” she said to herself.
“First time, it was grandfather , then your father and the last time it was my father who tamed your evil powers.”
“And they all died”.
“Yes.But not the same night. We need to absorb the vibes to trap the demons them but we are not strong enough to convert it into a positive energy source. So we kill them by feeding our soul inside our body.”
“And you are here to do the same tonight ?” she asked, hoping he would say no.
“Yes, but you will not remember it once your powers take over you”.
“what if i run away ?”
“then many will die.”
“And if you do ?”
“some one will take over my task.”
“Till When?”
“Till all demon spirits that your soul give birth to, are either killed or trapped or converted. Or till you marry and the curse of death passes to that guy’s family to control you.If some one does not follow the curse, all males of the family die instantly. And no one else would be able to ever control the evil-godess inside you. Any daughter you give birth to,will replace you and would be capable of bearing many more evil spirits.”
“So my mother was like me?”
“She died as soon as you stepped into this world.I guess she just gave it all to you”

“and now that the talks are done, lets clean the kitchen. You will be knocked out for  a day before the last demon releases you from the trance”

Mahesh stood across the apartment,knowing all too well of the talks happenning inside,preparing himself to take over, for next 5 years. He wished his sister would be freed from the demons this time. Else he will have to train another of his cousin for this unmentionable job.

===

Submitted to Inspiration Monday Prompt. The word “unmentionable” set me writing this end  ! I am myself amazed and bit glad i actually gave a decent end to the story about which i had no clue when I started.

Musical Memory – 3 and a #hindi poem

He hated most of the music from bollywood.

He hated most of the songs with sad lyrics [ I was the emo fool you see since beginning]

He hated Atif Aslam..

and yet, he loved this song …

He even dedicated this to me one day when I cried [ I was missing home too much so I cried on his call ]

Of course I smiled ; He dedicated nothing to any  one. I felt special for sure.

So here’s the song – Kuch Is tarah :

and here’s a poem I wrote yesterday afternoon while I was listening to this song.

[It is in hindi , english translation might follow some day]

=~=~=~=~=~=

kuch is tarah…
bol ek geet ke,
jaadu sangeet ka
yaadein ek meet ki..
.

tere chehre par
khushi merei aas ki
dukh mere raaz ka,
hansi meri yaad ki..

.

gam hain ye tere
tohfa ek mulakaat ka
zakhm ek jazbaat ka
kissa kisi ke izhaar ka..

.

sun meri ye guzarish
saza jo bhi ho meri
kabool har shart teri
baat ho bas teri meri.

= ~ = ~ = ~ = ~ =

And here are other musical memories :

Musical Memory Post 2 shared by Poohi

do let me know of your memories attached to songs if you like !

Till next Week !

keep listening to music of your choice !!

And share good ones with all !

I Retreat

I let silence grow
on all my thoughts,
taking seed from nowhere
and spreading here and there..

I let words keep quiet
sit bound and tight
ready to spring when asked
to make for me a new mask.

I realize i need to move
away from the life’s groove
and settle in my loneliness
to create a bit more mess

I wish to be planted forever
blank sheets and songs together
making the perfect destination
to give life to my imagination.

So I retreat ..
into darkness thats me..
into shadows that play..
into places with no names…

 

—-

Prompted @ Sunday Scribbling [ Next Step]

Ego talks

I would not cry “Eureka!” for this realization !
I know how much my ego weighs at times.
At wrong times, my inner voice adds !
Ok, So I decided I am not going to talk unless asked to;
So you wrote to him !
Hell, yes. and it felt so good.
Lovers ! tch tch, fools ! .
Errr.. Whatever !

Inspired by Alpha to Omega Challenge , Submitted to G-Man’s FridayFlash55

Last night

The enforced silence was overwhelming.Words died with every image that nerve cells picked to transmit. Character by character the sentences jump off the brim of my patience. My skin burnt as i replayed the conversation in my mind.Till my eyes could take no more. Tears fell freely in my open palms. As much i tried to hold them, they slipped out f my hands and were soon lost,leaving the salt taste on my lips and the wetness on fingers. I sat so for a long time till the cool skin went numb from my own sense of rejection.Or was it just cruel ?  The night passed me. I failed the purpose of  night.

I really wished i could cry and tell all these to you ! But would you still care ?

Dedicated to some friends lost in time.

Image source