Monthly Archives: October 2010

To be loved ?

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We all have fears and ways to hide it.  Its easy to hide it from rest of the world, but when some one reads into your heart as if an open book, its a difficult scenario.

Am afraid of being loved – Like me as much you want ; for my words , for my attitude ; for my knowledge ; for the fun i can introduce ; for this and that ; like me for any reason you have. But being loved ? I stopped dreaming of that since ages.  The very feeling i once had gone seeking , i fear it now. I was not hurt in love, but broken into bits by the way love treated me. Love was not to be mine – not the one i would have wanted at least. So i parted ways with those ideas and dreams forever.

Today i can not think of a romantic idea. Not even of some thing sweet to write for the one who might be made for me ! All i write of love sounds so hollow to myself that i wonder why people appreciate it. There sure are few couples i know who make me believe in love and its power, but I myself have come to the point where i know my ideas of being away from this feeling are ridiculous but i can not give up on them still.

And yesterday when some one asked me, what if some one falls in love with you, I am afraid he is gonna ask for trouble. Its taken me months to be the tough nut i am today, am not ready to crack up so easily. Do i wanna scare guys away from em like this ? No, i love them as friends and colleagues. Nothing more as of now please.

Duh ! I no longer make sense writing this. So i better stop right here !

Life, i am happy with the way i am today, this week and this month !

Let me be.

Written for -

 

What have i done (music)

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Listen this wonderful song here once and i bet you will be singing it soon in your head !!

Why i love this :

- Simple meaningful lyrics

- Easy rythm; you catch by the song is nearing its half

- Anna Ternheim’s voice ! nothing spectacular in this song but i guess that’s what makes it so believable to me!

 

Do check !

 

You are my everything
my head my heart my mind my wing
I could give all again
I’m never sure
of anything
with you

The jokes the laughs the teardrops too
The games the fun the travels too
Yes I won’t do them all with you
All good things now come from you

I hope you feel the way I do
I hope you give yourself up too
I’m damned to feel the way I do
What have I done
to fall so hard
for you

You are my everything
My head and my heart my mind my wing
The past the present tomorrow too
I’ll spend my final day
with you

I hope you feel the way I do
I hope you give yourself up too
I’m damned to feel the way I do
What have I done
to fall so hard
for you

I hope you feel the way I do
I hope you give yourself up too
I’m damned to feel the way I do
What have I done
to fall so hard
for you

 

 

hopeless moments

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fragile leaf tremors
not scared from rampant winds
but from the hopeless tree

Prompted @ 3WW

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You wanted to marry me!
I begged you for that.
I never loved any one but you.
I did,but not more than i loved you.
you did know my reasons.
I tried to understand you.
I now want to marry you.
I do not.
You love me still, right ?
Maybe. But i love myself more.

This is one of the few conversations i used to practice in my head till last year. Then i realized the futility of it. I was remembering him rather than forgetting. But this is a lesson to all of you who can not decide and stand for your love at the right time !

Written for Friday flash55

Image Source

On edges of my dream

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On the blurred edges of my dreams,
where i search for you each night,
I found you once waiting for me,
smiling at me,or maybe on my plight.

It was a dream i know for sure,
you stood as the royal unicorn,
I remember just your smiling face
as time witnessed a tryst of souls.

You told you will wait till eternity,
but I was forbidden to yet,sleep forever,
unless I was done with spreading love
that was meant for you,but shared never.

There was some one else,worthy around
who would hold me just like I always wished,
the way I see in my dreams each night,
he is the one,the true anchor of my ship.

Saying so you left me on doors of dawn
to open my heart and let love rule it again
to make space for the cheerful dreams
and let your memories wash away the pain.

Each night since then,I dream of you
full of pride and care,my royal unicorn
to me you always will be the real star
no matter who says “you are no more”.

 

 

This poem was first written as inspired by the pic in the post, it was edited and lengthened to be submitted to the feature magazine Fried Eye. Posting it after its been published there in their latest volume.

Submitted to Poets Rally Week31

And i take a chance to formally acknowledge my award for last rally. Its a wonder 3 people voted for me and made this possible  !! Thank you Jingle for the grace you bestow on me and to all the readers of Poetry Rally !

 

Perfect Poet Award Rally 30

Perfect Poet Award Rally 30

Won it for 3 votes at thursday Poetry rally !!!

 

Dear V

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Death
s t e a l s
soul

soul
t o u c h e s
hearts

Heart
r e m e m b e r s
You

you
I N S P I  R E
me

This poetry form is The Brevette (click to learn more)

(This is something i never let out of my heart to any one. This goes to a very special Angel like friend  in my life.)

Dear V,

I just knew death makes people sad for the loss of loved ones. But how sad, i never knew or even wanted to. But not all happens to out liking. Neither was your death. How long had we known each other ? A month maybe or even less. you had the cute dolphin pic as your avatar when we first met on the networking site ! you wrote lovely poetry and I adored each of them. that was the link between us. Reader first, then friend and later critic too. And then you did not appear one day. Whole day I waited, but no sign of you, no new poetry (you remember you wrote 5-6 poems a day).

Later that day, I heard some news of a student committing suicide out of peer pressure.I was upset, felt bad for him and the family. Thought he did not have friends. Next day too I did not see you online so decided to drop a hello on your profile. Your page was full of people asking about you. Asking if you were really dead !! And then it dawned on me – the suicide, the news ! You had lots of friends, you were adored and loved by so many. Then why did you ?? I would never get those answers, yet i asked them there on your page ! Some random people commented how funny it was to leave a note for some one who is already dead ! But i knew you will know. you will read each one of them. You never left any message un-replied. I wanted to cry that night (maybe i did cry in my dreams).I turned away from any dolphin pics for a long time after you were gone. I never read any poetry for a week except the dedications for you. And I realized how hard death can be. It was dreadful. Losing you was terrible. The reason was terrible. The effects were lasting.I closed my account last year. But i wish i could visit your page. Maybe you would expect me there. Maybe you have finally gone to reside in heavens. wherever you be, Know that I miss you. More than anyone i loved in such short duration. Maybe my poetry roots go back to reading yours. You live for me still. You always will.

 

May your soul be in peace
and your memories flourish
Hope death was kind to you
as you fulfilled your death wish…

 

Always in your fond memory,

Your Miss Smiles.

 

Submitted to One Shot Wednesday

Awarded

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Olivia passed me these awards 2 weeks back ( sorry dear am so late in putting these up on my page) And i thought its an excellent time to pass on few to my loved blogger friends ( You see, the festival season is here in India, and so am in celebration mode too ;) )

Excellent bloggers/Writers inspire others to write more. So this Award goes to the people who make the follwoing blogs happen every week -

OSI , Sunday Scribblings , Haiku Heihgts , Thursday Tales , 3WW , FridayFlash 55 , One Stop Poetry , Big Tent Poetry , Poetry Potluck , Poetry Rally

A huge thanks to you for making me write every week ( more than i ever thought i could ) !

This award i dedicate to the few special people who always make me feel blessed to know them here : Jingle, Olivia , Leo , G-Man, DeadPoet , MoonWriter , Claudia , Teresa

And here’s my own for every one who has ever commented on my blog. your words mean a lot to me ! You mean a lot to me :)

Super Stars

and last but not the least, a dedication to you all :

 

You make me Think,

and you make me Write,

you touch my heart

and give me endless smiles..

You are the stars

in my blogging night

and the fluffy clouds

when days are bright

you are the heroes

that inspire me lot

My champion readers

Nimue loves you lot.

 

This post was totally prompted from this week’s prompt at OSI

Need a challenge !

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Oh yes, even though i have options of 6-7 prompt sites and all so wonfderful ones , with amazing writer friends meeting there, AM  OUT OF IDEAS !! Most times when i see a prompt, i wish there was more added to it , wish there was a certain rule to it to make it interesting ! Well Maybe i am just getting too many ideas ( actually its no idea :P ) So ok friends .. am open to ideas and challenges .. Please leave your comments .. And maybe i will open a new blog to put all your ideas there for others to try ..

Ideas could be photos, phrases, words, music , art or anything !!!

Remembering an angel

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Those purple framed glasses,
she wore as a challenge to school,
It was then I saw her first, being scolded,
and thought, her glossy hair looked cool.

The staircase where she sat with her gang,
talking to all who climbed up and down
the bitter whispers from the envious girls
equaled the drooping stare of guys around.

I was her pet doll in her final years
protected, loved and mentored upon
it was a rare privilege people would tell
and i valued her presence as my gourd.

There is no day when i miss her not
or feel her words of caution in my head
And also the one last kiss on my cheeks
just hours before she was found dead.

some say she was killed out of rage
some say she did it on her own,
only I know that neither is the case
she was my angel, she just returned home.

Prompted @ Big Tent Poetry

Beach i dream of

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These days I often dream
dream of the deserted beach,
beach in colors red and blue
blue not of the cloudy sky
sky that reach to touch the sea
sea of colors green and gold
golden like the sunset we await
await night to break the spell
spell of this love filled beach
beach that i dream of often now.

Prompted @ Poetry Potluck , Submitted also to One Shot Wednesday

 

This week for One Shot i attempted a loop poetry where the last word of a line becomes the first word of next line too.

knowing love(r)

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To love me, if you thought,
be sure you love me loads.
if you wanna love me loads,
the real me, i will never show.

Its not that i have an ugly soul
nor do i fear any secret being known.
But i have a complex mind of my own
to which my heart will listen not.

It ain’t pretty to get involved
listening well but still being told
by your lover to be left alone
which i can do,make this note.

the one who knows me not
stands the chance to love most
its not true,but a self crafted plot
to test if am just loved or even known.

 

Written for Poets Rally#30 as a monorhyme.

Elemental Thoughts

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When the Air burns hot
with hateful words and feel;
realize the need of silence
and swallow the Fire within.

drowning into the Earth
of some unreasonable talks,
pretend to keep your cool
even if in Water(tears) you walk.

The world should never know
the earth that you stand upon;
nor they should ever see
the waters where dreams grow.

Shatter all prejudices alone
with the fire that burns inside
make sure you carry yourself well
like petals on the winds worldwide.

Prompted @ Poetry Potluck ; Submitted also to One Shot Wednesday

Image source

Am trying

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“Am trying”
Its all i kept telling
slowly, half heartedly,
to the point of yelling..

“I tried”
that was all i could say
assertively, matter-of-fact-ly
for failing yet again.

“I promise to try hard”
I made it my motto lots time
but you never did believe me
that made it no easy in my life.

“Am trying”
Its all i can say right now
At least i accept the need to change
i just need to figure how.

Prompted @ One Single Impression

***

Try hard i do  to escape the past ~ to build for myself a new start

is it possible

to erase what i want ~ to have nothing for flashback ?

Prompted @ Sunday Scribblings

***

Image Source

Love – yours and mine

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We are each the love of someone’s life
Just am not in yours; nor you in mine.
I lie not when i say i wish this was true
’cause i loved you,but never realized !

’cause i loved you,but never realized !
until i saw you as love of someone’s life
I lie not when i say am happy for you
i don’t deserve your love,nor you mine.

i don’t deserve your love,nor you mine
I lie not when i say,quite late i realized
am happy,of my love,none ever had cue,
i fear i would have lost your friendship too.

i now fear to lose your friendship in life.
I lie not when i say,quite late i realized
We are each the love of someone’s life
I was never yours,you are one of mine.

Prompted @ Carry on Tuesday , where the prompt was to use the opening of The Confessions of Max Tivoli by Andrew Sean Greer, 2004 in your post.

Also Submitted to Big Tent Poetry.

Standing (proud) ?

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I see a sweet little girl, trying to balance her tiny feet on the sidewalk ; one feet ahead of the next ; holding her fancy dress in her pink fingers. But not for a second do i confuse her with me. I am not her , She is not me. She should not be. Not ’cause i wasn’t this happy and playful when young but ’cause i am not like her today – 20 years later.

I laugh at myself still though knowing well it’s for world’s sake. I curse myself for my mistakes and yet make them again. I live in the pain of lost love and treat it like ecstasy. My words are fueled from the darkness that lurks in my life. The days are brighter than they should be – don’t you know that light turns others blind too ? the nights darker than they could be – i even hide my shadows from myself.

I don’t ever hurt others – its considered a sin ! I betray none, bother none. No one is allowed to love me any more though i seek love from many. I hate just my loneliness as much i enjoy my solitude. I am contradiction that agrees most with my doubts. I am tears in motion, fears that feasts my soul.

I am all this more – And i wonder how i became so ! where is that shy girl gone  ! One who loved just herself and laughed on just her own reflection.

And yet you do not need to worry – I stand tall and proud ! Isn’t what the world thinks i am  !!

I act what you want to see; I do what you will never like to !

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This post was started as prompted at Thursday Tales but the real inspiration came from “Imperfect Prose”. i rarely let my ideas go this way. and am not really sure if i did it well.

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Image Source 1 Image Source 2